Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
Sample Response
With the ever-increasing competition and demands in life, a child’s family, school and society expect too much from the child. While it is important to excel in schoolschools, sports, social activities and other aspects of life, childrenthose children should be shielded from the mounting pressures by maintaining a balance in their lives. Otherwise, these expectations can actthe expectation would act as a boomerang and hamper their development.
The world has become far more competitive than ever before and this is causing stress on young children as well. For instance, I did not have to compete with anyone to get admitted to my primary school, but my nephew had to take an entrance exam to enrol in the same schoolget enrolled in the same school, and just one in every twelve applicants was successful. Besides, we had plenty of time to enjoy ourselves and play in school, whereas; while this is different for today's young pupils. They attend classes, attend evening coaching sessionstake evening coaching, and attend music and art classesgo to music and art schools, and; and all these activities are meant to fulfil their parents' dreams and the school's expectations. Today's parents want their children to be top scorers in school, math geniuses, as well as great soccer players and renowned artists. The problem is that it is not a rational and practical expectation but those expectations create more pressure on young minds. Moreover, the commercialisation of products thatwhich target young children is another problem we need to address as they also put pressure on childrencreate stress on our children.
To address this issue, we have to set limits on our expectationsdraw a line to our expectations and identify a child's true potentialfind out the true potential of a child rather than pushing them constantly. The state should discourage the use of entrance exams in elementary schoolsdiscourage having an entrance exam in elementary schools and provide sufficient fundinghave sufficient funds to ensure suitable recreational and sports facilities in schoolsproper entertainment and sports facilities in academics. Moreover, teachers should not put pressure on children to do homework every day, and they should try to make school a place to learn in a fun way. Finally, social perspectives to prepare every boy or girl to become a doctor, engineer or a high-rank government employee should change immediately.
To conclude, modern children are being pushed beyond their limits to achieve academic, social and professional success, and this has unfathomable negative consequences. Parents and teachers should find the child's hidden talentshidden talent of a child, not try to make them something they are not meant to be.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response addresses both causes and measures directly, using a pertinent school-admission example and a clear progression from competitive pressures to practical action. Its main limitation is that commercial pressure is only mentioned rather than explained, while several otherwise sophisticated sentences contain awkward phrasing or punctuation. Developing that cause with the same specificity as the academic and social pressures would make the argument more evenly persuasive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered with a clear position, relevant causes, and practical measures that are generally well developed.
Explain how commercial targeting creates pressure on children instead of mentioning it only briefly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, developed cause and solution paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Refine links within the longer cause paragraph so contrasts and additions flow without overloaded punctuation.
Lexical Resource
A broad, generally precise vocabulary conveys complex ideas effectively, with only occasional awkward collocations.
Replace imprecise combinations such as sports facilities in academics and social perspectives to prepare with more natural phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, although a few agreement, reference, and punctuation lapses remain.
Check clause boundaries and pronoun or noun agreement in long sentences before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.