Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? Discuss with appropriate examples.
Sample Response
Large supermarkets are gaining popularity in many countries. Some people argue that small local businesses are finding it extremely difficult to survive amid the rapid growth of supermarketsin the midst of swift growth and development of supermarkets and that the local communities would disappearwould die out as the local businesses shut down. I completely disagree with this argument and will try to explain in this essay whywhy so. The reasons for supermarkets becoming popular are numerousmanifold. Firstly, they provide a single platform to customers where they can purchase everything they need, ranging from groceries to clothing and other productsand more. Consequently, they do not have to make multiple stops at different stores to buy what they needget the needful, thereby makinghence, making shopping extraordinarily convenient. Secondly, they offer a number of facilities including car parks, toilets, deli counters and rest areasfacilities including car parking, toilets, deli counters, resting areas to make shopping a more comfortable and enjoyablefun experience. Thus, pulling more and more customers and multiplying the business. As more people opt to shop at supermarkets, local businesses suffer lossesloss and eventually shut down. However, that does not resultHowever, that, in no way, result in the disappearance of local communitieslocal communities' death. Today's customers are resourceful and educated. They have the means of transportation and time to go to supermarkets as shopping has transformed into entertainment. Convenience stores, on the other hand, still have a chance to survive by relocating to an area with enough customersan area where there is enough clientage. All in all, local communities can travel to supermarkets without difficultyjust fine and can easily survive in the absence of local convenience stores. In conclusion, supermarkets have created difficulties for local businessesgiven local businesses a tough time. In my opinion, local stores can relocate to carry on and even if they do not, local communities will survive by shopping at supermarkets because they are capable of doing so.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response takes a recognisable position and explains why malls attract customers through convenience and facilities, while acknowledging pressure on small shops. Its main limitation is task focus: it spends much of the essay rebutting the unprompted claim that communities will "die," offers no concrete example, and only indirectly evaluates the replacement of local shops. Directly weigh the consequences for consumers and small businesses and support the opinion with a specific case.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A discernible opinion is supported with relevant points about mall convenience and small-shop closures, but the response focuses on community survival and provides no specific example.
Directly evaluate whether replacing small shops is beneficial or harmful, then illustrate the judgement with a concrete town, business, or consumer example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move broadly from reasons for malls' popularity to effects on local shops and a rebuttal, but one-block presentation and mechanical linking weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the appeal of malls, the consequences for small shops, and the final evaluation of those consequences.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for retail and community impacts, though expressions such as "get the needful," "multiplying the business," and "clientage" are unnatural.
Use precise alternatives such as "buy what they need," "increase sales," and "a sufficient customer base."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is used and meaning remains clear, but fragments, agreement errors, and awkward clause attachment recur.
Turn "Thus, pulling more and more customers" into a complete sentence and correct agreement in "that does not result in the death of local communities."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is your opinion about this? Discuss with appropriate examples.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.