Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
In the prevailing scenario, crimes are drastically increased all over the world, this is due to people valued for money rather than the values and relations. In my viewAccording to me, youngsters are not getting enough support from their parents or their teachersas well as from the teachers, whereas some adolescents are attractedsome adolescents attracted to bad habitsto the bad habits bythrough their friends. To begin with, in this contemporary world, both parentsboth the parents need to work to get economic securityan economical status in the society. So, they don't have time to supervise and teach their childrencheck and teach their kids how to behave in the society. For instance, in the US, most peoplemost of the people workare doing jobs whileby leaving their children in the childcare centresbaby care centres and they don't have time to spend with them. As a result, inappropriate behaviourBecause of that absurd behaviours can be observed among teens and they don't understand the moral values. Moreover, teachers’ role is very important in a child's life. They are the key figurespersons in building a society. But nowadays, they are merely teaching subjects such asthe subjects like Mathematics, Science and languages. They have to teach not only academic lessons which are useful for the future career of students but also the social and emotional qualities need to improve in a child. For example, in the developed countries, children do not respectchildren are not respecting their teachers. I recently read a news article about a child; the child went to school with a gun and shotshoot a couple of his classmates and a teacher and then he shot himself and died. However, adolescents are also being influenced by their friendsadolescents also are getting attracted to their friends without any knowledge of the moral values. They don't understand what is right and what is wrong. So, they are getting addicted to bad habits like drugs, smoking and spoiling their lives. In fact, during my secondary education, a person had a habit of smoking, and he encouraged other persons and some people learnt that habit. Sometimes without their knowledge, they get addicted to other people's bad habits. In conclusion, children need to get an emotional bond with the parents. In my opinion, grownups should have the social values from their parents and teachers, however, sometimes, they need to know on their own to make decisions.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers several relevant causes and illustrates the roles of parents, teachers, and peers, so its central message remains understandable. However, its position on the stated claim is only partly clear, development sometimes drifts from violent crime to general bad habits, and the lack of paragraphing weakens progression. Prioritise a precise extent statement, organise each cause in a separate paragraph, and connect every example explicitly to youth violence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the claim and presents relevant ideas, but its degree of agreement is imprecise and some support concerns misconduct rather than violent crime.
State the extent of agreement explicitly and ensure every supporting example demonstrates a cause of violent offending by young people.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly recognisable sequence, but the response is presented as one long paragraph and linking is often mechanical.
Separate the introduction, each main cause, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent inaccurate collocations and repetition reduce precision.
Use more natural combinations for employment, behaviour, social values, and peer influence while reducing repeated general nouns.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, and clause construction weaken control.
Practise constructing complete complex sentences and systematically check verb forms, agreement, and articles during revision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.