Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Since the dawn of timethe dawn of the time, women have been playing a crucial role in the civilisation and development of mankind. It is clear that women can play a vital role in various defence forces so the writer of this statement thinks that they are a blessing for their country.
To commence with, women will be a boon to the force. To be clear, the world has realised that women are asequally capable as men in both mental and physical abilitiesboth mentally and physically abilities. As women are blessed with intellectual and cognitive skills, they can use these invaluable skills in the force. In addition to this, as we know, women are already serving in various otherthe various other physically demanding jobsphysically demanding job sectors such as white collar and blue collar worker. It is wiseunwise to select them in this job sector. More importantly, women are naturally less aggressive and people who promote peacepeace makers and these qualities are a blessingqualities are blessing for the force and once they take on leadership rolescome to leadership these qualities helpthese helps to reduce conflict among nationsamong the nations. Further, women are already part of the police department and they have proved that they are capable of taking on challenging tasksdoing adventures and riskyriskier jobs. To cite an example, women leaders such as Queen Isabella, Victoria and the like exercised considerable powerruled vast spectrum of power.
On the other hand, women have some physiological barriers toin joining the defence force. To make it clear, since women have to give birth to athe child and nurture the childnurture them, they need maternity leave for that. If women are in the force, it would be impossible for them to get leave during wartimeleave at the time of war. Apart from that, many retrogressive people argue that women's primary function is to prepare food and look after their children and husbandschildren and husband so they should not choose to pursue a careeropt to go for a job.
To conclude, in this advanced era, women have been working in every realm and they have proved that they can contribute a lot to the society so they should be accepted into the defence forcesshould take in defence force.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear position and offers several relevant reasons why women can contribute to the armed forces, with an opposing consideration also acknowledged. However, some claims and examples are loosely connected, and frequent language inaccuracies occasionally create unintended or contradictory meaning. The highest priority is to develop fewer arguments more logically and proofread sentence-level wording so that every point consistently supports the stated view.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is maintained and supported by several relevant ideas, but development is uneven and some examples are only loosely persuasive.
Select two strongest reasons and explain their direct relevance to military service with specific, credible support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into a logical overall structure, though the long main body paragraph and formulaic transitions weaken progression.
Divide distinct arguments into focused paragraphs and make the logical relationship between each claim and example explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad range of topic vocabulary, but awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices are common.
Check natural word partnerships and revise imprecise phrases, especially those describing ability, employment, leadership, and military roles.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but recurring agreement, article, form, and sentence-control errors reduce accuracy and sometimes clarity.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement, correct word forms, articles, and clearly controlled clause boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.