In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples
Sample Response
In the past, it was customarya customary for fathers to be the only breadwinner of the family. Fathers would go out to work and earn money to fulfill the families’ daily needs and mothers would stay home to take care of the children. However, nowadays, it is not rare to find both parents going out to work. Whilst the additional income might bring benefits to everyone, especially the childreneveryone especially the children, there are a number of drawbacks that cannot be overlooked. This essay will discussconfer whether or not it is necessary for both parents to go out to earn money for a living.
In some families, both parents are required to work not by choicenot because of their own will, but because circumstances requiredemand them to. As the cost of living is skyrocketing in today’s competitive world, some families might not earn enough to cover their living costscost if only one parent worksif only one parent goes out to work. That being the case, there is nothing anyone can do to help. However, the benefit that extra income provides for the childrenbenefit of the extra income for the children remainsstill remains unchanged. With more income, parents will be able to afford more toysmore new toys, better schoolinga better school, and even a vacation abroadeven vacation abroad.
On the other hand, children might feel abandoned because their parents are rarely there for themdue to their parents never being there for them. It has also been suggestedIt is also proven that children whosechildren’s, whose parents are never at home, are more prone to behavioral problems. For instance, my friend, Elaine, whose parents areis always working overnight and is never there for her when she needs them, has to battle with her fearinsecurity of being unwanted every day; she, in turnevery day, she in turn tries to seek the attention of her teachers by misbehaving in classbehaving badly in the class. From my example, you can see how parents’ absence can affect children in the long run.
As far as I am concerned, there is no need for both parents to be working unless it is really necessary. While additional income is beneficial tobenefiting for the children, the presence of a mother will be best for the children’s well-being in the long run.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response discusses both perspectives and states a clear opinion, with the personal example giving the argument concrete support. Its main limitation is that some claims are simplistic or insufficiently qualified, while recurring agreement, article, word-form, and sentence-boundary errors reduce precision. Develop the benefits and drawbacks more evenly, clarify why parental presence matters, and proofread complex sentences for control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed and a clear opinion is given, with relevant support that is stronger for the disadvantages of parental absence.
Develop the benefit of additional income beyond material purchases and explain the final preference for one parent staying home more carefully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure creates clear progression, and linking expressions generally guide the reader effectively through the two views.
Keep each sentence focused on one complete relationship and use transitions that express the logic more precisely rather than relying on stock phrases.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range for the topic, but several inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace awkward combinations such as terms for discussing the issue and describing income benefits with standard academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are both attempted successfully, but recurring article, agreement, possessive, and punctuation errors remain noticeable.
Check subject-verb agreement and split the long example sentence into controlled units before reviewing articles and possessive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.