The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Sample Response
The given barBar graph compares the percentages of Australian men and womenthe proportion of Australian gender in six distinct age categories who were physically active on a regular basison regular basis in the yearisolated year 2010.
OverallAs it can be clearly seen, the proportion of womenfemales aged 35–44between 35-44 was 52.5%were highly active, whereas; whereas the proportion of men aged 35–44males in the age group of 35-44 was the lowest male figure, at 39.5%seem to be least physically active with just 40%.
Looking at the detailsProbing ahead, a resemblance can be seen in the proportion of males and females who were physically active in the age 65 and over which was noted as nearly 47%. Moreover, a differencea minute discrepancy of 5% can be seenwitnessed in the proportion of males and females in the 15-to-24 age groupbetween the age group 15 to 24 noted as 52.8% and 47.7%, respectively52.8 and 47.7 respectively. The physical activity of males rose to around 45% while the proportion of active females remained around 8% higher at 53%. In conclusion, it can be seen that the majority of males particularly teenagers do more exercise, whereas the number of females, mainly those aged 45- 54 engaged in physical activities more compared to female teenagers.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response includes some accurate comparisons, particularly the near-equal figures for the oldest group and the male low among 35–44-year-olds. However, its overview misidentifies the most active female group, several age groups are omitted or unclear, and awkward phrasing weakens precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state the main gender pattern accurately and support it with clearly labelled, representative data from all age groups.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Some relevant figures are reported, but the overview is partly inaccurate and coverage of the six age groups is limited and unclear.
State that women lead in every group except ages 15–24, then support this with accurate comparisons across the chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable introduction, overview, and detail sequence, but progression becomes uneven in the crowded final paragraph.
Group younger and older age categories separately and identify the age group before giving each comparison.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent unnatural expressions reduce precision and make some descriptions cumbersome.
Prefer direct chart language such as percentage, age group, rose, fell, and was higher than instead of inflated phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurring agreement, article, comparison, and clause-control errors limit accuracy.
Practise accurate noun phrases and comparative clauses, especially percentage of men or women and higher than the figure for.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Your response
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