The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004.
Sample Response
The two figures showA glance at the two figures provided reveals the popularity of various cosmetic proceduresforms of cosmetic surgery among Korean men and women in 2004. DeleteNot surprisingly, cosmetic proceduresplastic surgery enjoyed greaterwidespread popularity among women. By far the most common forms of cosmetic procedure for this group, eyelid surgery and Rhinoplasty were performed a staggering 320,000 and 275,000 times respectively. The third most common procedure wasThird in terms of popularity, meanwhile, was laser skin resurfacing. ApproximatelyAn approximate 215,000 of these procedures were performedconducted on women during the year in question. Breast enlargement and liposuction were considerably less common, at 145,000 and 120,000 operations respectively. Equally predictable is the fact that plastic surgery was far less popular among men. In contrast to women, hair transplantation was the most common cosmetic procedure. There were just 60,000 of these operations among Korean males. Numbering some 55,000 procedures, laser skin resurfacing was second for this group. Third was Rhinoplasty, at approximately 40,000 operations. Finally, a relatively small 19,000 Abdominoplasty and 14,000 facelift procedures were carried out on men during 2004. Also noteworthy is the fact that hair transplantation, Abdominoplasty and facelift patients were exclusively male, while 100 percent of liposuction, breast enlargement and eyelid surgery patients were female.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response accurately selects the principal features, supports them with relevant figures, and makes the central contrast between female and male procedure volumes clear. Its vocabulary and sentence structures are varied and generally precise, but presenting the entire report as one paragraph weakens the visual organisation, while a few subjective or awkward expressions should be replaced with neutral, more natural reporting language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report provides a clear overview, covers all displayed procedures, and reports the main rankings and approximate figures accurately.
Avoid unsupported implications such as absolute patient exclusivity and use fully neutral language when describing the contrasts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the female chart to the male chart and cohesive expressions guide the comparisons clearly, but the response is presented as one block.
Separate the overview and the two logically grouped sets of details into purposeful paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range of vocabulary describes rankings, quantities, and contrasts effectively, with only occasional awkward wording or unnecessary capitalisation.
Replace phrases such as “an approximate 215,000” with natural forms such as “approximately 215,000” and keep procedure names consistently lowercase.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine compressed quantity structures, especially the sentence combining the abdominoplasty and facelift totals, to make their grammatical relationships fully clear.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graphs below compare the number of cosmetic procedures performed on males and females in Korea in 2004.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.