The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006.
Sample Response
The table data shows the leading mobile phone manufacturers’ global market share in 2005 and 2006. Generally speaking, Nokia had the highest global market share for mobile phonesmarket share of cell phone both in 2005 & 2006 and the market shares of Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson increased in 2006 compared with their shares in 2005increased in 2006 than their share in 2005. As is presented, Nokia had the largest market share (about one-third of the total marketone-third of total) in 2005 and its market share increasedtheir market share increased by 2.5% next year. Motorola had the second highest market share comprising over 17% in 2005 and their market share increase by roughly 4%. Samsung had been able to maintain the third position for their worldwide mobile phone market share, though its share decreased from 12.7% in 2005 to 11.8% in 2006their share decreased to 11.8% in 2005 compared to 12.7% in the previous year. On the other hand, both Sony Ericsson and LG hadSony Ericsson and L.G both had more than 6% market share in 2005. In 2006, though Sony Ericsson’s market share increased by 1%, L.G’s market share decreased. BenQ Mobile had the lowest market share in the cell phone market and their share dropped to about half its previous year's share in 2006dropped to half in 2006 than the previous year. All other mobile manufacturers’ market share accounted for over 19%market share comprised over 19% in 2005 and that reduced to slightly over 16% as Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson increased their shares of the global markethad been able to secure more market share worldwide.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies Nokia's leading position and covers most of the changes in market share in a generally logical company-by-company sequence. Its main weakness is accuracy and control, particularly the incorrect Samsung year, omitted exact LG figure, list-like single paragraph, and recurring grammar and collocation errors; the priority is to group rising and falling shares, report each change precisely, and use consistent simple past forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies Nokia as the leader and reports most manufacturer changes. However, it contains one serious year error for Samsung, says LG decreased without giving the exact 2006 value, and could compare the declining categories more clearly.
Correct the Samsung sentence, state exact 2005-to-2006 changes, and group companies into increasing and decreasing shares.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has an introduction, overview, and company-by-company details in a logical order. It is coherent but remains one long paragraph and becomes list-like.
Split the details into companies whose shares rose and companies whose shares fell.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for market-share reporting, but there are repeated phrases and some awkward collocations such as cell phone both, comprising over, and secured more market share worldwide.
Use varied but precise wording such as accounted for, rose by, fell from, stood at, and category.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent errors with agreement, tense, articles, and comparison forms. Most meanings remain clear, but the errors reduce control.
Check subject-verb agreement after share, use increased in 2006 compared with 2005, and keep tense simple.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.