The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Sample Response
The table gives information about the global market shareportion of the notebook computer market by manufacturerfor producers in three different years:years; 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Overall, HP computers took the biggest proportion of the market and whiles. Fujitsu recorded the smallest market shareFujitsu company recorded the least sales across the years.
HP computers accounted for 31.4% of the market share in 2006 and grew tohad significant growth to 34% and 34.25% in 2007 and 2014, respectively. Dell computers made up 16.6% of the market sharevalue in 2006 and experienced a sharp increase by 9.52 percentage pointsby more than 10% in 2014. ToshibaToshiba company also rose steadily from 6.2% to 7.3% and then 8.12%had a steady rise of 6.2%, 7.3% and 8.12% across the three yearsascendingly across the years.
Samsung, Lenovo, and Fujitsu manufacturers together had fluctuations in the percentage growth throughout the years. In 2006, Samsung made up 11.6% of the total marketmore than one-tenth of the total market but declined by 0.9 percentage pointsdeclined by 0.9% in 2007 and increased tosaw an increment to 14.2% in 2014. Lenovo’s market share fellwas shortened from 6.6% to 6.226% in 2006 and 2007 but had a slight increase to 7.10% in 2014. Fujitsu accounted forFujitsu totalled 4.8% in 20062004 but dropped to 3.1% at the end of the periodat the of the period. Other computers portion dipped continuously throughout the years.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is well organised and covers every manufacturer, with most figures and broad movements reported accurately. Its main limitation is a cluster of imprecise statements and language errors, including the overstated Dell increase, the wrong Fujitsu year, and an incomplete overview that misses Dell's rise and Others' steep fall. Prioritise a fuller overview and careful checking of years and percentage-point changes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main companies and most values are covered accurately, but the overview is incomplete and a few numerical statements are incorrect.
Highlight HP's stability, Dell's strong rise, and Others' steep decline, then verify each year and percentage-point change.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and sensible grouping create generally logical progression despite some abrupt or incomplete linking.
Use complete transition sentences to connect the overview with the two detail groups more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
Trend vocabulary shows adequate range, but several word choices and collocations are unnatural or inaccurate.
Replace expressions such as market portion, ascendingly, and market share was shortened with standard data-description terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but recurring article, agreement, fragment, and preposition errors reduce control.
Check every sentence for a complete clause and correct noun phrases, especially company possessives and percentage comparisons.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.