The line graph below gives information about men and women smokers in Bhutan from 1960 to 2000.
Sample Response
The line graphThe diagram compares the male and female smokers in Bhutan and shows the smoking trend among the people of Bhutan over a 40-year perioda 40 years’ period commencing from 1960. As an overall trend, the number of male smokers per 1000 peoplepercentages of male smokers decreased after 1980 while the numberratio of female smokers increased over the given period. As can be seen in the given line graph, about 600 Bhutanese men per 100060% Bhutanese male smoked in the 1960s while the percentage of female smokers at that time stood at only around about 50 per 10005%. Male smokers’ ratio remained almost the same till 1975 while women smokers rose sharplysoared. Over timeOver the time, the percentage of men who smoked declined steadily, especially after 1980gradually decreased and in 1995, about 250 men per 1000in 1995, four hundred men out of a thousand in Bhutan were smokers. The ratio of female smokers in this year also was still below the male figurereached the same level of male smokers and this was a significant increase in female smokers. In the year 2000, men were just above 200 per 1000 and women were a little over 100 per 1000approximately 500 people smoked and the numbersnumber of male and female smokers were not the same, with men still higheralmost the same in this year.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the broad contrast between declining male smoking and rising female smoking across much of the period, so its main message is understandable. However, it misstates the unit as percentages, reports the 2000 endpoints inaccurately, and compresses the details into one paragraph; prioritise using smokers per 1,000 and accurately describing each series' peak and final value.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report identifies the opposite trends, but it repeatedly reports “percentages” even though the graph is per 1000 people, and it gives inaccurate end-point information for 2000.
Report the units as smokers per 1000 and state the clear contrast: men fell from about 600 to just over 200, while women rose to a 1975 peak before declining.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer is mostly one long paragraph with a basic overview and chronological detail, but progression is compressed.
Use two body paragraphs: one for men, one for women, or one for the first half and one for the decline after 1975.
Lexical Resource
There is some range for describing trends, but several word choices are imprecise, especially “percentages”, “ratio”, and “people smoked”.
Use “number/rate per 1000”, “male smokers”, “female smokers”, “rose”, “fell”, “peaked”, and “declined”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors are noticeable but usually do not block understanding, especially article use, plural forms and prepositions.
Revise noun phrases after numbers and use “over a 40-year period” rather than possessive or plural forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph below gives information about men and women smokers in Bhutan from 1960 to 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.