Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Sample Response
Older people are likelyAged people is likely to constitute a more significant part of the populationpart of population of most developed countries in the near future as a result of a decreaseas a result of decrease in their related birth rates. This issue will definitelydefinetly affect these countries in many waysterms.
An aged population means that there are fewer peoplethere is less people to work and help their society to develop. This would put the society under pressure, young people should work harder to compensate the lack of work force which might cause many problems for them mentally and physically and there would be no gurantee that they can succeed.
In addition to this, governments and insurance institutionsgovernment and inscurance institutes have to spend more money to pay the aged people’s pensionsretirement wages and obviously this makes the society economically weaker.Furthermore, older peopleFurthermore old people are more likely to become ill, sobecome ill which their medicalrelated expenses should be covered by insuranceinscurance and it makes the situation even worse.
To prevent the large ageing population from becomingprevent that the huge number of aged population become a crisis, some parameters should be considered by the governmentconsidered by government. I think health care is an essential key point. Peoplepeople should be protected from the diseasesdeseases and other events that may increase the possibility of disabilitiesdisablities in old agein their old ages. so that they canso they can be able to work and take part in their society’s development for a much longer period.Furthermore if the old people were healthy enough, they would not need to be looked afterthere would be no need that to be looked after by a young person.
In conclusion we can say there is not much we can do about circumstances of an aged population except for keeping them healthyhealth as far as possible.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response clearly identifies two important pressures created by an ageing population and follows an understandable problem-to-solution structure. Its main limitation is that the solution section relies almost entirely on keeping older people healthy, with limited explanation and no broader response to pension or workforce pressures, while frequent language errors reduce fluency. The priority is to develop several targeted solutions and express them in accurately punctuated sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant workforce and public-spending problems are identified, but the proposed solution is narrow and only partly developed.
Add distinct, explained measures for labour shortages and pension costs as well as preventive healthcare.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognisable progression from problems to a solution, though linking is mechanical and several sentences run together.
Use clear sentence boundaries and make each paragraph develop one central point through explanation and result.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to discuss the topic, but spelling errors and inaccurate word choices occur frequently.
Prioritise accurate forms and collocations for key terms such as workforce, insurance, disease, disability, and healthy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent agreement, article, punctuation, and clause-construction errors reduce control.
Build shorter complete sentences first, checking subject-verb agreement, articles, capitalization, and punctuation before adding subordinate clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many developed countries now have large numbers of people over the age of 65. What problems might this cause? How can the problems be solved?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.