Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
One of the most controversial issues these days relates toissues, these days is related to, how animals should be treated by individuals. AlthoughAlthough, some people declare that we need only to stop hitting and killing the various animals around us, I believe, but I believe that strict government lawsa strict law by governments should be enactedapplied to save these creatures. An analysed debate will be provided before a reasonable conclusion will be found in the next paragraphs.
Some People claims, that dealing with animals for a long time, help a sheer change in personalities and adopt inhuman attitudes. Also, some expertsexpert state that the only appropriate place for animalsthe only place where animals fit is research and experimentalexperiment facilities. They also clearly say that farms are the ideal placesfarms are the perfect way to house farm animalscontain farming animals, so people can obtain meat, milk, and leather from themhumanity can use them meat, milk and even leather. They also argueargued that the majority of fatal illnesses are caused by farm animalsmajority of fatal sickness generated by farming animals. For instance, take SARS as an obvious example of that and how farmedfarming birds help to spread it.
On the other hand, advocates of animal rights statethe advocate of animal rights state, that we are dealing with vulnerable creatures thatpoor creatures, which do not have the ability to distinguish between good and bad actionsidentify the differences between good actions and a bad one. In addition, childhood consultants believe thatchildhood consultant trust that, most violent acts that children commit against younger childrenthe majority of child violence actions children do against the younger children are related to copying their parents’ actions towards farm animalsis related to copying parents actions towards farming animals. For example, a 7-years-old child killed his younger sister with an axewith axe copying what his father did to their farm sheepcopying what his father doing to them farming cheeps.
To sum up, this argument will last long until people and governments agreed that we have to keep these animals safe, as well as I agreed.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s strongest feature is its attempt to separate the opposing perspectives into paragraphs and state support for protecting animals. However, the discussion often misrepresents or confuses the two views, and frequent grammatical and lexical errors make several claims difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to plan one clear, relevant argument for each view, explain each with a credible example, and then proofread sentences for basic agreement, articles, and word forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the general topic and gives an opinion, but the two required views are only partially and sometimes inaccurately developed.
State each view accurately, explain why its supporters hold it, and support both sides with directly relevant examples before giving a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates broad stages of the response, but progression within paragraphs is often unclear and linking is sometimes mechanical or inaccurate.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and arrange its supporting sentences in a clear claim-explanation-example sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent wrong word choices, collocations, and forms often obscure the intended meaning.
Use simpler, accurately learned vocabulary and check key phrases such as references to farm animals, animal research, and legal protection.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, punctuation, verb forms, and clause structure reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, checking subject-verb agreement and articles before combining ideas into complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.