Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is believed that communities derive substantial benefitsget a lot of benefits from the international tourism industry and foreign investmentinvestments. Although these industries sometimes havebring negative effects to the local communities, I personally believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
On the one hand, foreign tourism and international business activities have some negative effects on societies. Many international travellers may bringtravellers are bringing habits and cultural activities which are inappropriate for local communities. For example, many western people wear casual clothing such as shorts or bikinisshort pants or bikini, Deletewhen they visit the sacred temple Tanah Lot in Bali. The local people feel offended byfeel distracted with this kind of attitude and behaviourthese kinds of attitude and behaviour since tourists have been warned about the dress codeclothing standard but they have abandoned it. In additionBesides that, with the expansion of foreign investmentinvasion of foreign investments, it can have a negative effectthey have given negative effect for local businesses. One of the examples is that with the growing number of Seven eleven stores in Jakarta, it has given negative effect to the local traditional market.
On the other hand, many societies have benefited fromtaken the advantage of foreign investment and international tourism. Firstly, tourism industries have created a lot of job opportunities for local people. As the tourism businesses grow, there are many new hotels and restaurants that are built and automatically employ local workersabsorb local employments. Secondly, international tourism and business make a significant contribution to a country's GDP. Taxes on hotels and restaurants, together with expatriates’ income taxes,Taxes on hotels and restaurants and income taxes of expatriates contribute a significant amount of money for the government revenuecountry's income. Thirdly, with the high number of tourists that visit tourist attractionstourist attraction places, these visitors generate revenuethey have generated revenues for these places. As a result, these tourist attraction places could independently manage their own operational costs, without relying on government subsidies.
In conclusion, international tourism and foreign investment have their own positive and negative sides. Despite the drawbacks, I do believe that international tourism and business have more benefitsbenefit for local people and governments as well.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear position, considers both drawbacks and benefits, and develops the positive case through employment, tax revenue and self-funding attractions. The main weakness is language precision: repeated collocation, agreement and reference errors occasionally make examples awkward, and the benefits could be weighed more explicitly against the drawbacks. Refine the grammar and make the final comparison more analytical.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and well supported with relevant discussion of cultural friction, local competition, jobs and public revenue.
Explicitly explain why the scale or durability of the economic benefits outweighs the identified social and business costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and signposting are clear, though some referencing is repetitive or ambiguous.
Replace vague they references with exact nouns and use more varied internal linking.
Lexical Resource
There is a good topic range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and count-noun choices reduce precision.
Use phrases such as bring benefits, cultural practices, dress code, harm local businesses, jobs and tax revenue.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex ideas are generally understandable, but agreement, articles, plurals and pronoun reference errors recur.
Check every noun for countability and ensure pronouns have a clear singular or plural antecedent.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. To what extent do your agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.