It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.
Sample Response
In the past, people mostly preferred to live in extended familiesstay in the extended families. Today, Deleteit is observed that many individuals have their own nuclear families. In this essay, we will discuss how professional commitments forced people for opting this kind of families. To tackle this, an organisation’s role will be analysed.
To begin with, individuals focus ontowards their career development to a greater extent. A good illustration offor this is professionalsthe group of professionals who spend most of their time at their workplacesin their companies. As a result, they do not have much time for themselves and hence, prefer staying in nuclearsmall families with less contact with other members. Thus, it is obvious that they are not verymuch involved with other family members, leadingother family members leading to weaker relationships with themthe lack of closeness with them.
To overcome this, companies can play a crucial role. The first step which a firm can take is to provide the work from home access to the employees. By doing this, they will allow their staff to spend more time with their families. Other stepsThe other steps which can be taken include giving employees leave for all festivalsdeclaring holidays on all festivals and organising family days at the companyorganising family day in a company. This will allow them to spend more timeperiods with their families and hence, can help them to rebuildrecuperate their relationships.
From the above, it is clear that hectic work schedulesschedule act as a major hindrance tofor creating close bonds with family. Therefore, the companies should allow remote work, increase holidays and announce family days at workplaces to encourage individuals to focus on their relationshipsfor enforcing individuals to concentrate towards their relationships.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response is clearly organised and provides practical, relevant workplace solutions, with a consistent focus on family closeness. Its main limitation is that the causes side is narrowed to one professional factor despite the request for reasons, while several awkward collocations reduce precision. The priority is to add and develop a distinct second cause, then revise unnatural phrases for more idiomatic expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response explains one relevant cause and several workable solutions, but it does not provide the multiple reasons requested by the task.
Add a clearly distinct second reason for reduced family closeness and develop it with a specific explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and a logical cause-to-solution progression, though some linking is repetitive and slightly mechanical.
Use referencing and logical sentence order to carry connections, reducing repeated transition phrases such as result and conclusion markers.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is adequate for the topic, but several unnatural collocations and word choices limit precision and flexibility.
Replace awkward combinations with idiomatic phrases, especially when describing family structures, work arrangements, and relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex forms, but recurring errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and verb patterns remain noticeable.
Proofread each sentence for article use, subject-verb agreement, and the correct verb pattern after prepositions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.