Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the 21st century, time is more important than money. Utilisation of time is one of the key factors in this important aspect of life. There is a fundamental debate going onThere is a fundamental debate going between two mindsets of people. The first group believesThe first group is of the opinion that careers are more important than family and friends; othersfamily and friends, others who refute this theory Deletesay that, family and friends should be given more priority than work and career. This essay will compare both viewsWe will do a comparative analysis of both views before reaching a conclusion.
Firstly, the people who give more weight to their jobs and careers tend to believe that improving their careers will automatically reflect positively in the lifestyle of their families and friends. For instance, a man who has a good career will be able to support his family in a much better way compared to the person who is earning very little moneyearning very less amount of money. Also, he will be able to save enough moneyenough amount of money in case of unforeseen circumstances due to which he loses his job. Consequently, the family will compromise on this time factor as they are enjoying a life with all facilities whilewith bearing in mind that whatever a person is doing ultimately will be fruitful for his family & friends.
Now, we will examine the other side of the story in which people who tend to believe that giving too much importance to their work and careers will negatively affect the mentalaffect negatively the mental and social behaviour of their family and friends. They will feel neglected and sidelined and consequently they can suffer from problems like depression and anxietydepression etc. These types of people are ready to compromise their careers, salary, perks and benefits by allocating more time to their families and friends. The families are also happy to reduce their unnecessary expenses to relieve any sort of pressure on the person who is earning. Subsequently, he enjoys lifehe enjoys the life in the normal way.
To recapitulate, both mindsetsboth the mindsets have their own priorities and goals according to which they decide which one to prefer over the other, either family and friendsover other either family & friends over careers or vice versa. But I tend to believe that families and friends should be weighed more in comparison to career and work. It is recommended that this decision of time, career and money should be taken by mutual consensus by all stakeholders i.e. a person'sperson family and his friends.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay covers both sides of the debate in a clear structure and reaches a definite preference for spending time with family and friends. However, repetitive development, formulaic transitions, and several long or awkward sentences weaken the argument, while the writer’s position appears too late; the main priority is to state that view in the introduction and build each body paragraph around one focused comparison supported with precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay discusses both views and gives a personal opinion in favour of family and friends. The response is complete, but some development is repetitive and the opinion appears mainly in the conclusion rather than guiding the essay throughout.
State your own view in the introduction and use the body paragraphs to show why one side is stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear, with one paragraph for each view and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are sometimes overused or formulaic, and several long sentences reduce fluency.
Use simpler transitions and split long sentences so each paragraph has a clearer main idea and supporting example.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, with words such as unforeseen circumstances, neglected, compromise, and consensus. Some word choices are unnatural, repetitive, or too informal for Task 2.
Replace repeated phrases such as family and friends and careers with varied but precise alternatives only where the meaning remains clear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some range in sentence forms, but errors with articles, prepositions, word order, and punctuation appear regularly. Meaning is usually clear despite these problems.
Proofread noun phrases and comma use, especially in sentences that compare the two views.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people prefer to spend more time improving their careers. Others think that it’s more important to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.