Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? What is your view? Discuss.
Sample Response
In this modern era, children, unfortunately, endure some ailments that they are known as adult diseasesadults aches such as obesityoverweight. Several factors explain this trend.There are various reasons behind it. This illness originates from diet, sedentary lifestyle and genetics. I personally believe that three critical reasons of unhealthy diet, sedentary lifestyle and genetics considerably contribute to the development of such diseases in teenagers. The first cause of obesity is fatty food. TodayTodays, most of the children are interested in junk food and fizzy drinks like sandwiches, chips and coke. These kinds of foods are not nutritious. Furthermore, a huge number of parents buy fast food for their children instead of preparing healthy food at homecalorie-rich food at home. This issue can be solved by purchasing food from traditional restaurants that cook local foodtraditional restaurants (that they cook local foods), banning junk foods and advertising healthy foods in mass media, schools and textbooks. The second reason for obesity is an inactive lifestyle. The use of technological devices has gradually risen among children. They spend most of the time watching TV or playing video games on a computer, so the progress of these tools has led to a decline in physical activityhas led to declining the physical activities. This obstacle can be resolved by paying attention to bodily activities in schools and encouraging children to participateparticipating in sporting events. Moreover, parents can restrict playing video games on weekdays. In addition to this, the government can require the mediacompel mass communication to advertise physical exercises. The third factor of obesity is genetics. Although genetics play a significant role in obesity of children, we cannot easily change genetic riskwe cannot change or fortify our genetics. But human beings especially parents must consult genetic specialistsvisit genetics experts or take genetic testsdo genetics tests before their child is born. In conclusion, obesity derives from several major factorsconsiderable components like foods, sedentary lifestyle and genetics. Any type of these elements demands effective solutions in order to cure this health problemorganic disorder.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies several plausible causes of childhood obesity and pairs most of them with practical solutions, giving the discussion a clear cause-and-response direction. Its main weakness is uneven development: ideas repeat, the genetics proposal is doubtful, and frequent language errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to select two well-supported causes, connect each to a realistic solution, and organise them in distinct paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response covers causes and solutions and includes a personal view, but some causes are repeated and the genetics solution is underdeveloped and questionable.
Prioritise two stronger causes, develop each with a realistic solution, and make your personal view more explicit throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear cause-by-cause structure, but it is written as one long paragraph and transitions are sometimes list-like.
Use separate paragraphs for diet, sedentary lifestyle, genetics or prevention, and conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable topic vocabulary range, but several word choices are unnatural or inaccurate.
Use precise health and education vocabulary: childhood obesity, processed food, physical activity, prevention, and parental guidance.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar errors in relative clauses, articles, prepositions, and verb forms are frequent, but they usually do not block meaning.
Focus on correct noun phrases and verb patterns, especially encourage someone to do something and lead to a decline in.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? What is your view? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.