Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? What is your view? Discuss.
Sample Response
Obesity among children has dramatically increased over the last few years in manydeveloping countries. This is an alarming situation, which should be addressed as early as possiblecontrolled at its earliest. It is the shared responsibilityIt is a mutual responsibility of both individuals and the governmentboth individual and government to identify the causes of this serious conditionreasons of this vulnerable disease and offer solutions to rectify it. Nowadays, the trend of eating outhotel going has drastically increased. PeoplePeoples do not like to cook at home. Children have become addicted to junk food such as burgers, pizza, and fried chickenjunk foods such as burger, pizza, grilled chicken etc. One of the reasons is that both parents are working full-timeboth parents are working simultaneously that is why they have less time to cook at home. Furthermore, the rise in technology has steadily eliminatedrise in technological development steadily eliminate the concept of routine physical activityphysical routine works from our lives. Children are more likely to chooseChildren more opt towards computer games, mobiles and gadgets than playing any sports or doing exercises. Lack of these activities is the primary reason for obesity. In order to control this problem, physical education should be mandatory at the school level. Each individual is required to participaterequired participate in any sports activity on a daily basison daily basis for thirty to forty minutes. This will definitely improve their health and mind. Apart from that, parents should encourage their children to playencourage their children for playing their favourite sports. In addition to this, they should be served with fruits and vegetables which are the healthy sources of vitamins and ironhealthy source of vitamins and irons. In conclusion, I would like to say that obesity could be controlled by changing our lifestyle and eating habits. Parents' attentionParent's attention and care could contribute a lot in this regardregards. The role of government cannot be neglected while addressing this issue.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers several relevant causes and practical solutions, and its movement from diet and inactivity to school and parental action gives the discussion a clear underlying direction. However, the ideas and personal view remain briefly developed, while one-paragraph presentation and recurring language errors weaken clarity. Prioritise separating the argument into clear paragraphs and explaining each cause-solution link more fully, with an explicit position sustained from the introduction to the conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay identifies relevant causes and solutions for childhood obesity, including junk food, working parents, technology, physical education, and healthier diets, but the personal view is brief and development is limited.
Develop each cause-solution pair with a clear explanation and make your own view explicit in the introduction and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically ordered from causes to solutions, but it is written as one paragraph and uses limited cohesive control.
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion so the reader can follow the argument more easily.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant but sometimes inaccurate or unnatural, with phrases such as hotel going, vulnerable disease, and irons.
Use precise health vocabulary such as fast food, sedentary lifestyle, physical activity, balanced diet, and nutrients.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in plural forms, articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement occur, though meaning is usually clear.
Check countable plurals and verb agreement, especially after people, children, parents, and development.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? What is your view? Discuss.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.