Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
When people apply for a job, certain recruiters request personal detailssome employers ask for personal information such as hobbies, interests, and marital status. Some people believe this information is useful for choosing the right employee, while others think it is unnecessary. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint.This essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.
On the one hand, personal information can help employers gain deeper insights into applicants' profilesunderstand applicants better. For example, hobbies may show a person’s personality and skills. Someone who enjoys team sports may work well with others, while a person who likes reading may have good concentration. In addition, some employers think that married people are more responsible and stable. Therefore, personal information may help companies make more informed hiring decisionsmake a better decision.
On the other hand, many people believe that this information is irrelevant tonot related to job performance. The most important factors should be education, work experience, and professional skills. A person’s hobbies or family situation do not always affect how well they can do their job. Moreover, asking about marital status may lead to unfair treatment. For example, some employers may prefer single people because they think they can work longer hours. This is not fair to married applicants.
In my opinion, employers should mainly focus on the abilities and experience of candidates. Some personal information, such as hobbies, can be useful if it is connected to the job. However, information like marital status should not be considered because it may cause discrimination. Every applicant should have the same chance based on their qualifications.
In conclusion, although personal information may help employers understand applicants better, I believe job-related skills and experience are much more important. Employers should avoid using personal information that is not relevant to the job.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章完整地回答了题目中的所有要求。清晰地讨论了“个人信息有用”和“个人信息无关/不公”这两个对立观点，并在后半部分及结论中明确阐述了个人立场，即支持适度收集与工作相关的个人信息，但反对收集可能导致歧视的信息（如婚姻状况）。
可以通过在论证中引入更具体的行业实例或法律背景（如反就业歧视法），使论证深度更进一步。
连贯与衔接
文章结构非常清晰，段落分明。使用了经典的双边讨论结构，过渡词（On the one hand, On the other hand, In addition, Moreover, In conclusion）使用自然且恰当，逻辑衔接紧密，读者易于跟进。
可以尝试减少一些过于模板化的连接词，使用更自然的指代或逻辑承接词来提升行文的流畅度。
词汇资源
词汇运用准确，拼写无误，能够清晰表达意思。但整体词汇较为基础，且存在较多重复（如多次使用 personal information, employers, applicants）。
需要积累和使用更多高阶同义替换词汇，例如用 'private details' 或 'background information' 代替 'personal information'，用 'recruiters' 或 'hiring managers' 代替 'employers'。
语法多样性与准确性
语法准确性极高，几乎没有明显的语法错误。能够熟练运用多种句式，包括定语从句、让步状语从句和条件状语从句，标点符号使用规范。
可以尝试使用一些更复杂的句式结构，如倒装句、非谓语动词短语作状语等，以展示更高的语言控制力。
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.