Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Superstars of television, film and other media are given a largebig amount of money and it has become a controversial issue around the worldin the entire world. I am also in agreement with this viewin agreement with it and I would suggest that skilled workers should alsothat skilled workers also should be paid more. They are also real heroes of societyour societies. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss some of the reasons why we should not give too much money to the stars only for their fame.
InOn the first place, to support my viewin order to validate my thoughts, there are several reasons. The first isThe first one it is to be understood that if the government and the publicgovernment and public give more money to cricketersthe cricketers or to film stars, it may happen that they can use that money in harmful wayson wrong ways. Secondly, the government should also understand that giving too much money to celebrities is appropriate only ifis good but whether they can use it for social causessocial good causes like children's educationeducation of children, charitable workcharity works etc. For example, they can use it to ensure a good education for poor people. Thirdly, also that stars having good publicity and they have their own business so it is possible that they would have enough money. Individuals should create a fund where so many celebrities can donate their money to poor people's food or housing related issues and also they must seek assistance from those starsask to assist from that stars and also if developed countries do this so it can be beneficial to undeveloped countries. Another point of this essay is that to whom the government should give more salary? So I would mention that skilled workersmore and more skilled workers also should be given more money because they provide many essential services to peoplemany facilities to the people. It has also been seenIt has also seen that so many doctors, nurses and even teachers are migrating from undeveloped countries to developed countries to have a better life and earn more. That’s why it may affect the economy of a country. The government should give them good salaries so they don't have to migrate to other countries. To conclude, I would opine that celebrities should be given money but to some extent that should be restricted and they should be bound to take part in charity and social welfare related tasks so that we can use that fund on poor people as I have written above.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response presents a clear general view that celebrity pay should be limited and identifies socially valuable workers who deserve higher salaries. However, its supporting case is uneven, sometimes contradictory, and crowded into one long paragraph, while frequent grammatical and collocational problems reduce precision. The highest priority is to organise two or three distinct, well-explained reasons in separate paragraphs and express each through shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed and the position is identifiable, but several reasons are unclear, repetitive, or only partly developed.
Develop one focused reason for limiting celebrity pay and one detailed explanation of why specific essential workers merit higher salaries.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the response, but nearly all supporting material is compressed into one paragraph with mechanical sequencing and weak referencing.
Separate the main arguments into logical body paragraphs and use referencing and transitions to show relationships rather than merely numbering points.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss pay, migration, and social welfare, though frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices limit clarity.
Use more natural combinations such as spend money in harmful ways, charitable causes, and higher salaries, while avoiding vague repeated wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in clauses, articles, prepositions, and sentence boundaries sometimes strain comprehension.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then combine them with accurately controlled relative, conditional, and causal clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.