These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
With socioeconomic developmentWith the socio-economic development, breadwinner fathers and stay-at-home mothers are in declineare on a decline. There are many causes behind this trend and, in my opinion,and in my opinion, this could be consideredthis is could be considered as a positive change rather than a negative onerather than negative.
It is undeniable that the global economy is decliningis going down. Many malemen workers have been sacked, and as a consequence, they stay at home, do household chores and take care of children. At the same time, women are further encouraged to work by government policieswomen are more encouraged to work, by the government policies such as maternity leave, high salaries, and shorter working hoursshortened the working hours. Another reason why husbands' roleshusband role have changedhas been changed in recent years is society's acceptance of men becoming caregiversthe acceptance of the society for them to become nannies instead of going to work and supportingsupport the family.
Personally, I think this change in fathers' and mothers' traditional rolesthis change in father’s and mother’s traditional role could have many benefits. Firstly, in many cases mothers have better qualifications and job opportunitiesmothers have a better qualification and job opportunities than their partners, so it seems more sensible for them to go out to workthen it seems more sensible them going out to work. Secondly, if fathers stay at home and look after children, this would make an important contribution to their children's upbringingit would become an important contribution in their children's upbringing, which could play a vital role later, when the children become teenagersin children’s future when they become teenagers and face problems that would be hard for mothers to handle. For example, it is rare to find boys or girls who have a close relationship with their fathers and making troubles or unsuccessful in their lives.
In conclusion, there are different reasons why fathers are becoming more responsible for taking care of children while mothers are responsible for financially supporting the familybusy with the financial support of the family. And I believe this could be useful for the whole family.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is that it answers both questions with a clear positive position and offers several relevant economic and social reasons. Its main limitation is uneven development: some claims are overgeneralised, and the example about children’s behaviour is unclear and does not convincingly support the benefit claimed. The highest-priority improvement is to replace that example with a precise, logically explained benefit of fathers’ involvement while improving sentence accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with a clear positive position and several relevant reasons and benefits.
Support the positive evaluation with a credible, clearly explained example instead of the unclear generalisation about children’s future behaviour.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a logical four-paragraph structure, and the main reasons and benefits are generally easy to follow.
Strengthen progression within the benefits paragraph by separating the long second point and linking its cause and result more clearly.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for employment, family roles, and child development, but several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Improve natural combinations such as men workers, husband role, better qualification, and making troubles through careful collocation checking.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted with some success, but recurring errors in agreement, clause structure, and parallelism reduce control.
Prioritise accurate clause patterns by correcting forms such as this is could be considered and it seems more sensible them going.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.