Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
Delete: Though some people would argue that women are working in high-level job positionspositions in many renowned organisations, the reality is that the number of such women employees is negligiblevery ignorable compared to their male counterpartscounterpart. As a result, it follows thatthe issue appears that the government should reserve a certain percentage of such jobs for women and some people support this proposal while others criticise itthis is supported by a group of people while being criticised by another group. In my opinion, the government actually should reserve a percentage of such jobs to ensure equal opportunitymaintain the equal opportunity, to maintain a balanced workspace and to strengthen the overall economyand in the overall economy. First of all, male dominance of high-level jobsthe high-level jobs occupied by the male distorts the balance of powerdiminish the balances of power between men and womenbetween the male and female in such organisations. Since we are living in a century where we are most committed to establishingmost sincere to establish the equal power of men and female, it is therefore reasonable forthis is very reasonable that women should actually work in such high-level positions. Second, the consumers, end users and service receivers of a company and organisation are both male and female and female decision-making employees for such companies are equally important as their male counterpartscompared to the male. Third, the society would like to make a balance between the contribution of male and female and again the power between them, without letting women work in high-level job position, it would not be possible. Women need to participateThe women are needed to participate in every sphere of society for a better world and without letting them use their ability we can’t actually expect that. Fourth, the women are improving in terms of education, power, contribution in the current era than before and such a scheme adopted by the governmentsuch a scheme is taken by the government would inspire them more to run ahead. In third world countries, the fate of girl is determined when her parents decide if the girl should go to school or should learn to cook and get prepared for marriage. The privilege provided by the government in case of jobs for women would encourage such parents to equally treat their boys and girls.
In conclusion, a certain reserved position for women in high-level jobs is actually a good idea to empower the women towards the overall betterment of the organisation and society.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay gives a clear and consistent opinion and supports reserving senior positions for women with several relevant reasons, including representation, equality, and wider social encouragement. Its main weakness is that the ideas become repetitive and are expressed through mechanical sequencing and frequent awkward language. Prioritise developing two distinct arguments in depth and editing sentence structure and collocations for greater precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and several relevant reasons are offered, although much of the discussion repeats the general idea of equality rather than developing distinct consequences.
Select two strongest reasons for reservation and extend each with a specific explanation of how the policy would produce the claimed benefit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from its position through a numbered series of reasons to a conclusion, but the sequencing is mechanical and the main body is one dense paragraph.
Group related points into two developed body paragraphs and replace the numbered transitions with logical links between claims and consequences.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a sufficient range for discussing employment and gender equality, but recurring imprecise words and unnatural collocations weaken control.
Use natural phrases such as underrepresented, equal opportunities, senior roles, and encourage girls' education instead of forced or vague expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted and meaning is generally clear, though errors with articles, agreement, plurals, comparison, and clause boundaries recur.
Break up long sentences and check agreement and noun forms carefully, especially references to men, women, jobs, and organisations.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.