The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
This response is estimated at Band 5.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The chart provides a visual representation of the residentssocieties' coffee and tea purchasingpurchaising habits in five cities of Australia, namely Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.
Overall, Melbourne, Hobart and Sydney reported the highest percentage of people who went to a cafe for a coffee or a tea within a month. This is in sharp contrast with Brisbane and Adelaide with the lowest percentage of citizens who bought fresh coffee in the last month.
MelbourneMelbourve was the highest proportion in this categoryat the peak of the graph, at nearly 64%, with the percentage of people who bought a coffee or teacoffee and a tea in a cafe. This was followed byIt is followed by Hobart with roughly 63% and Sydney with approximately 61%. Brisbane and Adelaide reported the lowest percentage.
As for those who bought instantintant coffee, Hobart and Brisbane reported nearly similar percentagespercentage, nearly 55% and 53% respectivelyabout 53-54%. Adelaide was the third in terms ofon instant coffee buyers. And Sydney is at approximately 45%.
Furthermore, the lowest percentage of citizenscitizent spent their money on fresh coffee in the last 4 weeksinstant coffee in the last month in all five cities. Starting with Sydney and Melbourne at nearly 43-44%, which is followed by Hobart. Lastly, Brisbane and Adelaide reported the same percentage, approximately 35%.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response identifies key trends across the five cities, but it suffers from accurate reporting issues, including mislabeling data categories in the final paragraph. Additionally, frequent spelling slips and grammatical fragments lower the clarity of the report. The primary focus for improvement should be careful data verification against the chart key alongside practicing complete sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key features are highlighted, but the main categories are mislabeled in the final body paragraph, leading to inaccurate data reporting.
Double-check the chart key carefully to ensure all category labels and corresponding figures match the visual prompt accurately throughout the report.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized into distinct paragraphs, but cohesive devices are mechanically used and some ideas are presented as incomplete fragments.
Ensure all sentences are grammatically complete and use logical connective devices to link detailed figures smoothly.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of vocabulary for Task 1, though noticeable spelling errors and imprecise word choices occur repeatedly.
Review spelling of common vocabulary and city names before finalizing the text to maintain accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is attempted, but grammatical inaccuracies and fragment structures frequently appear.
Focus on crafting complete main clauses rather than starting sentences with participle phrases or conjunctions that create fragments.