We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
The invention of the computer is referred to as an epic among the other technological breakthroughs of last century. The role of computers in today’s lifestyle has reached such dizzy heights than anyone could ever imagine. Righteously, its use in various fields of medicine, crime investigation and even aerospace engineering is explicit. In the midst of a computer-driven world, its future purposes are infinite. The affinity that human has developed for this technological gizmo is mammoth, and this dependency, for many is moot.
In the present scenario, majority of the fields, mankind thrives on are revolutionised by computers. Its significance in the medical field, for instance, is quite imperative. For example, from the safeguarding of patient medical records to the automated and meticulous interpretation of investigation reports, are computerised. The role of computers in crime investigation is rather inevitable nowadays. Global satellite tracking on personal gadgets of criminals to chase them down would exemplify this. Another significant technological impact computers made is in aero-spacing, where, even flying an aircraft has become computerised, dubious whether Charles Babbage envisaged the same?
The future use of computers by the humankind is endless. To name or pinpoint on its future prospectives, would be cumbersome or rather impossible. Some believe that in near future, computers will serve the purpose of being the 'first hand 'of help to humans. A globalised world under the umbrella of the computer revolution is not farsighted as before. The very existence computer operated human robots that could even replace a human, is not a myth anymore.
Now having discoursed, about the computer revolution and its effects on mankind, a question of one getting dependent on computers is impeccable. In this globalised world, computer addiction is a major concern unattended. Children spending long hours on computers and its misuse in workplaces by employees is ubiquitous and a generally accorded bane.
In my opinion, as humans, one should be able to imbibe the virtues and reject the vice, when it comes to using computers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use invention collocation Original: an epic among the other technological breakthroughs Suggested revision: a landmark among the technological breakthroughs Why it matters: “Landmark” naturally describes an important invention, whereas “epic” does not.
- 2. Add definite article Original: of last century Suggested revision: of the last century Why it matters: The specific historical period requires the definite article.
- 3. Fix comparison structure Original: such dizzy heights than anyone could ever imagine Suggested revision: greater heights than anyone could ever have imagined Why it matters: The comparative “greater” correctly pairs with “than.”
- 4. Choose accurate adverb Original: Righteously Suggested revision: Notably Why it matters: “Righteously” concerns moral correctness, while “Notably” introduces a significant fact.
- 5. Use evidence adjective Original: explicit Suggested revision: evident Why it matters: A use or role is “evident,” whereas “explicit” normally describes a clear statement.
- 6. Clarify future applications Original: its future purposes are infinite Suggested revision: their future applications are limitless Why it matters: “Applications” is the natural term for computer uses, and the plural pronoun matches “computers.”
- 7. Use plural humanity Original: The affinity that human has developed Suggested revision: The affinity that humans have developed Why it matters: A general reference requires the plural noun and matching auxiliary verb.
- 8. Use formal technology term Original: technological gizmo Suggested revision: technology Why it matters: “Gizmo” is informal and imprecise in an academic essay.
- 9. Use natural intensity Original: mammoth Suggested revision: immense Why it matters: “Immense” naturally describes the degree of human affinity.
- 10. Clarify parenthetical phrase Original: for many is moot Suggested revision: for many, is debatable Why it matters: The parenthetical phrase needs a closing comma, and “debatable” states the intended meaning clearly.
- 11. Fix majority clause Original: majority of the fields, mankind thrives on Suggested revision: the majority of fields on which humanity relies Why it matters: The phrase needs an article and a correctly formed relative clause.
- 12. Match plural computers Original: Its Suggested revision: Their Why it matters: The possessive pronoun must agree with plural “computers.”
Suggested Rewrites
- an epic among the other technological breakthroughs a landmark among the technological breakthroughs
- of last century of the last century
- such dizzy heights than anyone could ever imagine greater heights than anyone could ever have imagined
- Righteously Notably
- explicit evident
- its future purposes are infinite their future applications are limitless
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a recognisable structure and attempts to discuss future applications as well as the risks of dependence, using a broad vocabulary. However, the future-use discussion is narrow and the final position remains vague, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical faults weaken clarity. The priority is to state a definite judgement and support it with developed future examples and balanced reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are touched on, but future uses receive limited development and the writer's judgement about dependence is unclear.
State clearly whether dependence is beneficial or concerning, then develop two plausible future applications with consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides an overall sequence, although progression is weakened by digressions, abrupt statements, and faulty sentence connections.
Organise the body around one paragraph on future uses and one on the evaluation of dependence.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate collocations and word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Prefer accurate everyday terms and revise misused expressions such as "future prospectives," "impeccable," and "accorded bane."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some structural variety, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, punctuation, and sentence construction impair control.
Practise forming complete complex sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then check article and agreement accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.