We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
In my opinion, there is nothing wrong in depending on computers. They play a major role in our daily life. Nowadays, parents want their child to study in a school which has smart classrooms. Smart classroom consists of a projector, laptop or palmtop for each child.
Usage of computers at a hospital is vital because it helps the hospital management to keep track of every patient's medical history. Also, computers are used in Electrocardiogram test, Echo test and in many other tests which save millions of lives. Moreover, this cutting-edge technology is also used in many sports like cricket, football and tennis. For example, in cricket, Hawk-eye technology is used to find No-ball and leg-bye wickets.
Furthermore, without computers, it would have been impossible for us to find the presence of water on the moon. Consider satellite- it plays a humongous role in Telecommunication and without it human kind cannot think of communicating with overseas friends or relatives. My cousin is just six years old, but she is watching videos in YouTube on her own, which implies that computers attract younger generations. Though this advent in "state of the art" technology has many advantages, it also has few disadvantages. Nowadays, children are browsing adult contents on the internet which will surely spoil them. Due to much advancement in technology, it makes a person lazy which is the potential cause of obesity, diabetes and many such diseases.
In spite of having few disadvantages, dependency on computers is more appreciable but it should be in limits. There should be an equilibrium between science and nature.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong preposition Original: in Suggested revision: with Why it matters: The adjective phrase uses 'with' before a gerund.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: child Suggested revision: children Why it matters: The plural subject 'parents' refers generally to more than one child.
- 3. Refine relative clause Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: 'That' is the more natural relative pronoun for this defining clause.
- 4. Add an article Original: Smart classroom consists Suggested revision: A smart classroom consists Why it matters: A singular countable noun needs an article here.
- 5. Keep articles parallel Original: a projector, laptop or palmtop Suggested revision: a projector, a laptop, or a palmtop Why it matters: Repeating the article makes the three singular items grammatically parallel.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: Usage of computers at a hospital Suggested revision: The use of computers in hospitals Why it matters: This wording is more natural for a general statement about hospitals.
- 7. Use test names accurately Original: used in Electrocardiogram test, Echo test and in many other tests Suggested revision: used for electrocardiograms, echocardiograms, and many other tests Why it matters: The revised wording uses the standard nouns and the correct preposition for purpose.
- 8. Use formal example phrase Original: sports like Suggested revision: sports such as Why it matters: 'Such as' is a more precise way to introduce examples in formal writing.
- 9. Clarify cricket terms Original: find No-ball and leg-bye wickets Suggested revision: identify no-balls and leg-before-wicket decisions Why it matters: The original phrase combines cricket terms inaccurately and obscures the intended meaning.
- 10. Use precise verb Original: find Suggested revision: detect Why it matters: 'Detect' is the natural verb for discovering whether something is present.
- 11. Fix number and punctuation Original: Consider satellite- it Suggested revision: Consider satellites: they Why it matters: The general reference needs a plural noun and matching pronoun, while a colon links the explanation clearly.
- 12. Use formal vocabulary Original: humongous Suggested revision: crucial Why it matters: 'Crucial' conveys importance in an appropriately formal register.
Suggested Rewrites
- in with
- child children
- which that
- Smart classroom consists A smart classroom consists
- a projector, laptop or palmtop a projector, a laptop, or a palmtop
- Usage of computers at a hospital The use of computers in hospitals
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear general view that computers bring substantial benefits, and it supports this with several concrete examples from medicine, sport, and communication. Its main weakness is that most discussion concerns present-day uses, leaving the explicit question about future applications largely unanswered, while some examples drift from the central argument. The priority is to predict specific future uses and evaluate their implications directly, then organise the evidence around both task questions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position and several relevant benefits and risks are presented, but the required discussion of future computer uses is largely missing.
Address both questions explicitly by proposing specific future applications and explaining whether each strengthens or weakens the case for dependence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses through recognisable paragraphs and uses linking expressions, although the third paragraph combines several loosely connected ideas.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and arrange examples so that every sentence clearly advances that idea.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied enough to discuss technology and its effects, but several awkward collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases such as dependency being appreciable or technology being in limits with standard, precise collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the meaning, despite recurring errors with articles, agreement, prepositions, and sentence construction.
Proofread systematically for articles and subject-verb agreement, especially in sentences containing long modifying clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.