We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
The invention of the computer is referred to as an epic among the other technological breakthroughs of last century. The role of computers in today’s lifestyle has reached such dizzy heights than anyone could ever imagine! Righteously, its use in various fields of medicine, crime investigation and even aerospace engineering is explicit. In the midst of a computer-driven world, its future purposes are infinite. The affinity that human has developed for this technological gizmo is monumental and this dependency, for many is moot.
In the present scenario, majority of the fields, mankind thrives on are revolutionised by computers. Its significance in the medical field, for instance, is quite imperative. For example, from the safeguarding of patient medical records to the automated and meticulous interpretation of investigation reports, are computerised. The role of computers in crime investigation is rather inevitable nowadays. Global satellite tracking on personal gadgets of criminals to chase them down would exemplify this. Another significant technological impact computers made is in the aerospace, where, even flying an aircraft has become computerised, dubious whether Charles Babbage envisaged the same?
The future use of computers by the human kind is endless. To name or pinpoint on its future prospectives would be cumbersome or rather impossible. Some believe that in near future, computers will serve the purpose of being the 'first hand 'of help to humans. A globalised world under the umbrella of the computer revolution is not as far-sighted as before. The very existence computer operated human robots that could even replace a human, is not a myth anymore.
Now having discoursed, about the computer revolution and its effects on mankind, a question of one getting dependent on computers is impeccable. In this globalised world, computer addiction is a major concern unattended. Children spending long hours on computers and its misuse in workplaces by employees is ubiquitous and a generally accorded bane.
In my opinion, as humans, one should be able to imbibe the virtues and reject the vice, when it comes to using computers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural description Original: an epic among the other technological breakthroughs Suggested revision: one of the most significant technological breakthroughs Why it matters: 'An epic among breakthroughs' is not an appropriate collocation for describing an invention.
- 2. Add the article Original: of last century Suggested revision: of the last century Why it matters: The definite article is required before 'last century' in this phrase.
- 3. Complete such-that form Original: than anyone could ever imagine Suggested revision: that anyone could ever have imagined Why it matters: The structure beginning with 'such' requires 'that' rather than the comparative marker 'than'.
- 4. Choose the right adverb Original: Righteously Suggested revision: Certainly Why it matters: 'Righteously' refers to moral correctness and does not express confidence in this claim.
- 5. Match the plural noun Original: its Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The pronoun should agree with the plural antecedent 'computers'.
- 6. Use a fitting adjective Original: explicit Suggested revision: evident Why it matters: 'Evident' naturally describes something that is clearly observable in several fields.
- 7. Name applications clearly Original: its future purposes Suggested revision: their future applications Why it matters: 'Applications' is the natural term for the ways computers may be used.
- 8. Use plural agreement Original: human has developed Suggested revision: humans have developed Why it matters: The generic noun must be plural here and requires the plural verb 'have'.
- 9. Clarify the disputed issue Original: dependency, for many is moot Suggested revision: dependency is debatable for many people Why it matters: 'Moot' does not fit naturally after 'is' in this construction, and the inserted phrase disrupts the clause.
- 10. Add the determiner Original: majority of the fields Suggested revision: the majority of the fields Why it matters: 'Majority' requires the definite article when it denotes most members of a specified group.
- 11. Match computers in number Original: Its Suggested revision: Their Why it matters: The possessive pronoun should agree with the plural noun 'computers'.
- 12. Describe importance accurately Original: quite imperative Suggested revision: considerable Why it matters: 'Imperative' describes something essential to do and does not naturally measure significance.
Suggested Rewrites
- an epic among the other technological breakthroughs one of the most significant technological breakthroughs
- of last century of the last century
- than anyone could ever imagine that anyone could ever have imagined
- Righteously Certainly
- its their
- explicit evident
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response shows its greatest strength in attempting a broad range of vocabulary and organising the discussion into recognisable stages. However, much of the essay describes current computer use, while predictions are vague and the position on whether dependence is beneficial or dangerous remains underdeveloped. The highest-priority improvement is to answer both questions directly with specific future applications and a clearly reasoned evaluation of the benefits and risks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both questions, but future uses receive vague development and the final view on dependence is insufficiently explained.
Devote one developed paragraph to concrete future uses and another to a clear judgement supported by benefits and risks.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and signposting provide a broadly clear progression, although some sentences and examples connect loosely to the central argument.
Use focused topic sentences and ensure every example directly advances the answer to one of the two questions.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied and less common vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and word-choice errors reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate natural collocations and replace misused words such as impeccable and prospectives with simpler precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of complex forms is attempted, but recurring article, agreement, clause, and punctuation errors weaken control.
Edit each complex sentence for a complete main clause, accurate subject-verb agreement, and controlled comma use.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.