We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Sample Response
Today, the computer has become an indispensable tool in our day-to-day activities. In fact, we find it very difficult to get through a working day without it. In this essay, we will discuss the usage of computers in the foreseeable future. Also, we will analyse how this dependency will have negative impacts on the society.
To begin with, computers can be used in performing daily chores at the house. For instance, cleaning of the home can be done with the minimum effort and time with the advent of robot maids. In addition, teachers can use computers for teaching their students by staying at their own place. In other words, tutors can arrange multiple classes in different cities at the same time by the help of this tool. Thus, it is obvious that the computer can be used in household work as well as for teaching purpose in the coming future.
However, inordinate usage of this tool has many disadvantages. First of all, human beings will be replaced by this machine leading to the increase in the unemployment which is intrinsically tied to the rate of the crime within the nation. Furthermore, the absence of physical presence of teachers in the classroom can raise the problems of discipline within the students. In other words, social development of these pupils will be harmed and thereby, will cause a hindrance in the nation's social growth.
From above, it can be seen that computers will be used for various activities at home as well as at educational institutions in the future. But, excessive utilisation of this machine can boost the issues related to job causing rise in the crime and afflict the young people's development. It is thus hoped that people will be made aware of the harmfulness of relying too much on computers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: usage Suggested revision: use Why it matters: Use is the more natural noun in this context.
- 2. Choose precise noun Original: dependency Suggested revision: dependence Why it matters: Dependence is the standard noun for reliance on technology.
- 3. Remove article Original: on the society Suggested revision: on society Why it matters: Society is used without an article when referring to society generally.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: used in performing Suggested revision: used to perform Why it matters: Use used to plus the base verb to express a function.
- 5. Use natural location phrase Original: at the house Suggested revision: at home Why it matters: At home is the idiomatic phrase for domestic activities.
- 6. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: cleaning of the home Suggested revision: cleaning the home Why it matters: The gerund cleaning can take home directly as its object.
- 7. Improve parallel phrasing Original: with the minimum effort and time Suggested revision: with minimal effort and in less time Why it matters: This phrasing expresses the two benefits more naturally.
- 8. Clarify remote teaching Original: by staying at their own place Suggested revision: while remaining in their own locations Why it matters: The revision conveys the intended idea of teaching remotely more clearly.
- 9. Correct preposition phrase Original: by Suggested revision: with Why it matters: The fixed expression is with the help of.
- 10. Use plural noun Original: purpose Suggested revision: purposes Why it matters: Purposes is conventionally plural in this general expression.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: in the coming future Suggested revision: in the future Why it matters: Coming is redundant because future already refers to time ahead.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: inordinate usage Suggested revision: excessive use Why it matters: Excessive use is the standard collocation for overreliance on a tool.
Suggested Rewrites
- usage use
- dependency dependence
- on the society on society
- used in performing used to perform
- at the house at home
- cleaning of the home cleaning the home
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear organisation and direct coverage of both future uses and the risks of dependence. However, the ideas are only moderately extended, and frequent awkward collocations and article or preposition errors reduce precision; the highest priority is to develop each prediction more specifically while using simpler, more natural phrasing and checking grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers both questions with a clear critical position and relevant ideas about domestic automation and remote teaching, though some consequences remain only moderately developed.
Extend each future use with a more specific explanation of how it would work and why its effects matter.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and logical movement from future uses to disadvantages make the argument easy to follow.
Use referencing and transitions more naturally so links do not depend so heavily on formulaic phrases such as ‘In other words’ and ‘Thus’.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range of topic vocabulary, but awkward combinations such as ‘by the help of’ and ‘boost the issues’ weaken precision.
Choose more natural collocations and avoid forcing formal words where a simpler, exact expression would be clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction reduce control.
Proofread each sentence for article and preposition use, then simplify complex clauses whose subjects or relationships are unclear.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.