Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Around the world, university studies are highly popular and every year millions of students enrol for various short-term and long-term courses. Although most experts emphasise on the requirements to improve the quality of university education, many believe the idea of equal sex ratio is also important. The base of this ideology is in the theory of egalitarianism and is especially backed for women organisations, working for the uplift of women. First of all, equal sex ratio ensures the burgeoning of respect for each other among both genders. Moreover, this also fuels security, especially, in the minds of women students. To bolster the statement, worldwide university crime-related data show low crime against women in universities which have equal or approaching equal sex ratios across all subjects. Some governments have even ratified reservation rules for maintaining a minimum percentage of seat allocation in universities to women. Secondly, some experts believe that this idea helps to create an environment of diversity where healthy ideas and activities prevail. As a proof, we know that many organisations, especially service industry companies, always maintain a ratio of gender diversity as it has been proved by research that such workplaces produce high standard results. In my opinion, it is paramount to maintain diversity in university studies to a certain extent as I strongly support the idea of admission based on merit more. While universities should declare a minimum percentage of women students in every course, there should not be any obligation to enrol exactly 50% of each gender. Of course, I understand some courses like mechanical engineering demand strenuous physical activities, and women students generally do not prefer such courses at all. Hence, there should be enough provisions for exceptions too.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct verb pattern Original: emphasise on the requirements Suggested revision: emphasise the need Why it matters: The verb 'emphasise' takes a direct object rather than the preposition 'on'.
- 2. Add article Original: the idea of equal sex ratio Suggested revision: the idea of an equal gender ratio Why it matters: The countable phrase needs an article, and 'gender ratio' is more natural here.
- 3. Fix clause structure Original: The base of this ideology is in Suggested revision: This idea is based on Why it matters: The revised passive construction expresses the relationship grammatically and directly.
- 4. Correct passive phrase Original: backed for women organisations Suggested revision: supported by women's organisations Why it matters: A supporter is introduced with 'by', and the possessive form identifies organisations representing women.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: the burgeoning of respect for each other Suggested revision: the growth of mutual respect Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended increase in respect more naturally.
- 6. Clarify meaning Original: fuels security Suggested revision: promotes a sense of security Why it matters: Security is more naturally described as a feeling promoted by the environment.
- 7. Use precise reference Original: To bolster the statement Suggested revision: To support this claim Why it matters: 'Claim' identifies the preceding argument more precisely than 'statement'.
- 8. Use rate collocation Original: show low crime against women Suggested revision: show low rates of crime against women Why it matters: Crime levels are conventionally expressed as rates in this context.
- 9. Choose clearer term Original: reservation Suggested revision: quota Why it matters: 'Quota rules' more clearly describes a required minimum allocation of places.
- 10. Simplify noun phrase Original: percentage of seat allocation in universities to women Suggested revision: percentage of university places allocated to women Why it matters: The revised phrase gives 'allocated' a clear object and recipient.
- 11. Use uncountable noun Original: As a proof Suggested revision: As evidence Why it matters: 'Proof' is not normally used with an indefinite article in this linking phrase.
- 12. Use between for two Original: among both genders Suggested revision: between the two genders Why it matters: 'Between' is the conventional preposition when referring to two groups.
Suggested Rewrites
- emphasise on the requirements emphasise the need
- the idea of equal sex ratio the idea of an equal gender ratio
- The base of this ideology is in This idea is based on
- backed for women organisations supported by women's organisations
- the burgeoning of respect for each other the growth of mutual respect
- fuels security promotes a sense of security
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear, nuanced position and supports it with relevant reasons about gender diversity, safety, and merit-based admission. Its main weakness is that the argument is compressed into one paragraph and relies on broad or weakly substantiated claims, while several awkward collocations reduce precision; the highest-priority improvement is to organise the case into distinct paragraphs and develop each claim with more convincing, directly relevant explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a clear qualified position and several relevant reasons, although some claims are asserted rather than convincingly developed.
Explain more precisely how each cited benefit supports the proposed admissions policy and use credible, directly relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a generally logical sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens organisation and makes transitions feel mechanical.
Divide the response into a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph developing one central idea.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly broad vocabulary, but recurrent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions sometimes reduce naturalness.
Prefer accurate, conventional combinations such as gender balance, admission quotas, and high-quality results over unnecessarily elaborate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used and meaning remains clear, though article, preposition, agreement, and punctuation errors recur.
Improve control of articles and prepositions and avoid inserting commas that interrupt otherwise complete clause structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.