Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In the past, it was a common custom that the one who was responsible for the upbringing of children - was the mother only; the fathers' responsibility was to earn the livings and provide a good life. However, a change in the belief took place in the previous few years; nowadays, some people claim that fatherhood should be emphasised much more. Although some people see that fathers must contribute in the bringing up of children and it's not only mother's responsibility, other people still see that it's only mother's responsibility. "Of course me and my husband, George!" said Miss Karmen when she was asked who was in charge of bringing up her child, she added, "Oh, I really cannot do this alone; my child needs both of us". If a child interacts and plays with his mother only, that will lead to improper dealing with other people including his dad. The fact that father for money and mother for upbringing is absolutely outdated. A kid needs both the father and mother's care but father would be mostly busy at works so ultimately the mother would have to spend more time with the kind. But the father should spend as much time as possible with his kids after getting back from the work. Actually, some people still adhere to their point of view regardless the prior information claiming that parents must contribute, yet in their way; each one is responsible for only one thing. We have an example, Robert Frans, a teacher in a high school in Australia; he said: "Why I have to tire myself more, it's my wife's own business". For me I actually think that fatherhood ought to be emphasised, but not as much as motherhood. I think mothers' share in upbringing should be more than that of fathers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrasing Original: a change in the belief took place in the previous few years Suggested revision: this belief has changed in recent years Why it matters: The present perfect and “recent years” naturally describe a change continuing to the present.
- 2. Use correct reporting verb Original: see Suggested revision: believe Why it matters: “Believe that” reports an opinion naturally, whereas “see that” is inappropriate here.
- 3. Fix preposition and noun Original: contribute in the bringing up of children Suggested revision: contribute to the upbringing of children Why it matters: “Contribute” takes “to,” and “upbringing” is the concise noun form.
- 4. Fix article and formality Original: it's not only mother's responsibility Suggested revision: it is not solely the mother's responsibility Why it matters: The formal full form and definite article are required, while “solely” expresses the intended limitation clearly.
- 5. Use natural reporting verb Original: other people still see that Suggested revision: others still believe that Why it matters: “Believe that” naturally introduces the opposing opinion and “others” avoids repetition.
- 6. Fix article and formality Original: it's only mother's responsibility Suggested revision: it is solely the mother's responsibility Why it matters: Formal writing requires “it is,” and the singular role needs the definite article.
- 7. Place focus adverb clearly Original: interacts and plays with his mother only Suggested revision: interacts and plays only with his mother Why it matters: Placing “only” before the prepositional phrase clearly limits whom the child interacts with.
- 8. Use natural expression Original: improper dealing with other people Suggested revision: difficulty interacting with other people Why it matters: The revision describes the claimed social difficulty in natural English.
- 9. Use formal family term Original: dad Suggested revision: father Why it matters: “Father” is more appropriate than the informal “dad” in an academic essay.
- 10. Supply verbs and articles Original: father for money and mother for upbringing Suggested revision: the father provides money and the mother handles upbringing Why it matters: The revision turns the fragments into parallel clauses with explicit verbs.
- 11. Clarify shared possession Original: both the father and mother's care Suggested revision: the care of both the father and the mother Why it matters: The revised structure makes clear that care comes from both parents.
- 12. Fix article and noun Original: father would be mostly busy at works Suggested revision: the father may often be busy at work Why it matters: The singular role needs an article, “work” is uncountable here, and “may” fits the general possibility.
Suggested Rewrites
- a change in the belief took place in the previous few years this belief has changed in recent years
- see believe
- contribute in the bringing up of children contribute to the upbringing of children
- it's not only mother's responsibility it is not solely the mother's responsibility
- other people still see that others still believe that
- it's only mother's responsibility it is solely the mother's responsibility
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response engages with the role of both parents and eventually states a qualified position that fathers should contribute substantially. Its main limitation is weak development: the single paragraph moves through invented quotations and loosely connected claims without clearly explaining the extent of agreement. The highest priority is to state the position at the outset and build two focused paragraphs that justify how parental responsibility should be shared.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses shared parenting and gives a final position, but the extent of agreement emerges late and supporting ideas remain unevenly developed.
State the qualified view in the introduction and support it with clearly explained reasons rather than unattributed anecdotal quotations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a broad line of thought, but its single-paragraph form, abrupt shifts, and loosely connected examples weaken progression.
Organise the essay into an introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph advancing one clear claim.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent collocation and word-form problems reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward phrases such as earn the livings, contribute in, and busy at works with accurate standard collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted and the main meaning is usually accessible, but agreement, article, preposition, punctuation, and sentence-boundary errors recur.
Use shorter controlled sentences and systematically check articles, possessives, prepositions, and verb forms before adding complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.