Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Traditionally, gender-role normsgender role issue have always discriminated against womenhas always discriminated women and women are considered responsibleit is considered a woman to be responsible for the upbringing of children. Nowadays, these traditions are changing gradually. It is agreed that both parents should share these responsibilities and supportand at the same time should support each other. This can be proved by looking at how fathers who spend the whole day with their children can be a good motivator for them and mothers are becoming the bread-earners for the family. Moreover, some argue thatAlso, it is agreed that fathers motivate their children more than mothers do. For example, menmales are more interested intowards sports activities.
Firstly, some people argue that mothersmother should take care of the Family, especially the kids; however, thesehowever these thoughts have changed Deleteover the time and nowadays fathers have started sharing parental and domestic responsibilities. So, by taking their children to sports events such as football matches, swimming, etc. will develop an interest for sports in them. This shows that fathers can motivate a child to become a sports person. Secondly, the tradition of women is to stay at home and bringing up children have changed and women have started taking work from all fields, along with this they also take care of their children. For instance, it is common to observe thatit has been seen that many working women take maternity leave during and after their pregnancy period and continue to work after these leaves. Some women prefer to work from homedo work from home if their employer permits itif provided by their employer. In some cases, women may have better career prospects than their husbands. So, the father may have tothe father had to take paternity leave and become a househusband, which is becoming more common nowadays. Thus, it is clear from the above discussion that womendiscussion women can be breadwinnersa bread-earning person for a family. This shows howFollowing this look at how both parents share responsibility for caring for their childrencaring their children. Thus, it has been proven that fathers are equally responsible for the upbringing of their children.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay clearly supports equal parental responsibility and uses relevant examples of fathers' involvement, working mothers, maternity leave, paternity leave, and changing breadwinner roles. Its main limitation is uneven development: the decision to have children is not addressed directly, while the sports argument is narrow and stereotyped; the highest-priority improvement is to build two balanced paragraphs on shared decision-making and shared childcare using more controlled language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent position favouring equal responsibility is maintained, but the essay concentrates on childcare, largely overlooks joint reproductive decisions, and relies on a limited sports example.
Develop one paragraph on couples jointly deciding to have children and another on sharing emotional, domestic, and financial parenting responsibilities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable introduction and progression through fathers' and mothers' roles, but the long body paragraph contains abrupt shifts and repetitive conclusions.
Separate fathers' involvement from changing maternal employment roles and use one clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses relevant family and employment vocabulary, but frequent collocational errors such as "gender role issue has discriminated women" and "taking work from all fields" reduce accuracy.
Use precise phrases such as "traditional gender roles have disadvantaged women," "entering many professions," and "sharing childcare responsibilities."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent agreement, clause, tense, article, and verb-form errors affect most sentences.
Prioritise complete sentence patterns, for example "Taking children to sporting events can develop their interest" and "women have entered many fields of work."
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.