Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Traditionally women take the responsibility of nurturing and upbringing children in a family and that can be connected with many factors such as rules and stereotypes in our society. In recent days, fathers have been participating in children’s life more actively and I completely agree that fatherhood should be highly accentuated because this approach promotes all-round development of a child's overall growth. First of all, fathers and mothers involve different streaks in their babies based on their characteristics. By playing with a mother, a child can become polite, sentimental, but by taking part in games and outdoor activities with a father, helps to develop the intellect, motor skills. Primarily this is connected with the type of activity because men prefer to build or design some objects, play to board games and woman like teaching a child to talk about feelings and build a relationship with other people. Moreover, having contact with a man in a family will contribute to a positive attitude to gender development. A boy tries to replicate behaviours of his father and a girl makes attempt to be such as her mother. A good relationship with the head of the family can develop masculinity in a boy and femininity in a girl. As a result in adult life, these young women and men will able to build a positive relationship with future spouses. Finally, people, who had a family with both parents where a father had played a significant role in children’s life, have succeeded in their career. This statement was confirmed by American scientists who have asked many people about their childhood, then they inferred that young people from a full family graduated a university frequenter than people without a father in their life. Consequently, fatherhood can develop many positive streaks in modern children and we will not refuse from this opportunity following ancient stereotypes and choosing only motherhood such as the correct model of upbringing. Though mothers in many cases decide when to have a baby, they should take only half of the responsibility while the other half should be shared by the father.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add introductory comma Original: Traditionally women Suggested revision: Traditionally, women Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory adverb traditionally.
- 2. Remove article Original: take the responsibility Suggested revision: take responsibility Why it matters: Take responsibility is the standard expression when responsibility is used generally.
- 3. Use parallel verbs Original: nurturing and upbringing children Suggested revision: nurturing and bringing up children Why it matters: Both coordinated activities need parallel verb forms.
- 4. Use time expression Original: days Suggested revision: years Why it matters: Recent years describes an ongoing social change more naturally than recent days.
- 5. Use plural lives Original: participating in children’s life Suggested revision: participating in children's lives Why it matters: The plural possessive children refers to the separate lives of multiple children.
- 6. Use precise collocation Original: highly accentuated Suggested revision: strongly emphasized Why it matters: Fatherhood can be emphasized, while accentuated is unnatural in this context.
- 7. Remove redundant wording Original: all-round development of a child's overall growth Suggested revision: a child's all-round development Why it matters: Development and growth repeat the same idea, and overall duplicates all-round.
- 8. Clarify the claim Original: involve different streaks in their babies Suggested revision: nurture different qualities in their children Why it matters: Nurture qualities clearly expresses how parents influence children's characteristics.
- 9. Remove wrong preposition Original: play to board games Suggested revision: play board games Why it matters: Play takes the game directly without the preposition to.
- 10. Fix plural agreement Original: woman Suggested revision: women Why it matters: The plural comparison with men requires women and the plural verb form like.
- 11. Clarify gender phrase Original: a positive attitude to gender development Suggested revision: a healthy understanding of gender roles Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly express the intended effect of parental role models.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: replicate behaviours of his father Suggested revision: imitate his father's behaviour Why it matters: Imitate someone's behaviour is the standard expression for copying a role model.
Suggested Rewrites
- Traditionally women Traditionally, women
- take the responsibility take responsibility
- nurturing and upbringing children nurturing and bringing up children
- days years
- participating in children’s life participating in children's lives
- highly accentuated strongly emphasized
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position that fathers should share responsibility and offers several relevant arguments about child development and later outcomes. Its main limitation is that some claims rely on stereotypes or vague evidence, while frequent lexical and grammatical inaccuracies make parts awkward. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer, more convincing reasons with precise evidence and express them in more accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported by several relevant ideas, although some development is generalised, stereotypical, or insufficiently substantiated.
Select two stronger reasons for shared parenting responsibility and support each with a specific, credible explanation rather than broad gender claims.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves through identifiable arguments with clear sequencing devices, but the single paragraph and occasionally awkward internal links reduce coherence.
Use distinct body paragraphs and ensure each example follows directly from its topic sentence through a clear cause-and-effect chain.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range and an evident attempt at less common vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness.
Choose familiar, precise expressions for parenting and child development, and verify collocations before using ambitious alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex sentences, but frequent errors in clause structure, articles, agreement, prepositions, and verb forms weaken control.
Build complete subject-verb clauses consistently and edit every sentence for agreement, articles, and verb patterns before adding complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.