Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's society, both parents play's an equal role in the family life to bring up the children. It is important to share their responsibilities equally to make their child as a good citizen of tomorrow. Hence, I strongly agree with the statement that looking after the children is the shared responsibility of the partners. Firstly, in this advanced world, women are also educated as men are and in some cases, women are rather more talented than the men. It paves the way for them to work as well and be the breadwinners of the family. Moreover, nowadays, because of the high living expense and also in order to meet the basic needs of the children such as food, clothes, housing, adequate education and so in, it became mandatory for both members of the family to work. Secondly, it is essential for a child to experience love and care from both father and mother to attain a good character. The idea is that the father needs to find leisure time to spend with the child and make him/her energetic by teaching outside sports instead of computer games. Likewise, the mother needs to take care of the behaviour and should teach good morals of life. As a result, the child will become healthy physically and emotionally. On the other hand, there are many children in this world living with a single parent. Although they seem to be happier in front of the society, there would be something they lack in their personal life. If they were given an opportunity to share their feelings, definitely they will point out the values of family relationships. For instance, they must be sure that they would have done better in their life if they were brought up in a loving family with both mother and father. To conclude, there is a saying that "Parents are the best role models for their children". Therefore, it is worth sharing their responsibilities among them to provide brighter future for their children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the verb pattern Original: make their child as a good citizen Suggested revision: help their child become a good citizen Why it matters: Make does not take as before a subject complement in this structure.
- 2. Clarify shared ownership Original: the Suggested revision: both Why it matters: Both makes the shared nature of the responsibility explicit.
- 3. Complete the comparison Original: educated as men are Suggested revision: as well educated as men Why it matters: The equality comparison requires the as well ... as structure.
- 4. Use a natural comparison Original: rather more talented than the men Suggested revision: even more talented than men Why it matters: Even naturally intensifies the comparative, and men is used generically without the article.
- 5. Use the standard collocation Original: the high living expense Suggested revision: the high cost of living Why it matters: Cost of living is the established expression for household expenses.
- 6. Correct the fixed phrase Original: adequate education and so in Suggested revision: adequate education, and so on Why it matters: And so on is the correct expression for continuing a list.
- 7. Use the present timeframe Original: it became mandatory Suggested revision: it has become necessary Why it matters: The present perfect connects the recent change described by nowadays to the current situation.
- 8. Name the people precisely Original: both members of the family Suggested revision: both parents Why it matters: Both parents precisely identifies the two family members discussed.
- 9. Add the possessive determiner Original: both father and mother Suggested revision: both their father and mother Why it matters: The family nouns need a determiner when referring to a particular child's parents.
- 10. Use a natural collocation Original: to attain a good character Suggested revision: to develop good character Why it matters: People develop character rather than attain it.
- 11. Clarify the parental action Original: take care of the behaviour Suggested revision: guide the child's behaviour Why it matters: Guide accurately expresses shaping behaviour, while take care of does not.
- 12. Use the standard phrase Original: good morals of life Suggested revision: sound moral values Why it matters: Sound moral values is the natural expression for the intended principles.
Suggested Rewrites
- make their child as a good citizen help their child become a good citizen
- the both
- educated as men are as well educated as men
- rather more talented than the men even more talented than men
- the high living expense the high cost of living
- adequate education and so in adequate education, and so on
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers the question directly, maintains a strong position in favour of shared parenting, and supports it with several relevant reasons about employment and children's development. Its effectiveness is reduced by presenting the whole essay as one paragraph and by recurring grammatical and collocational errors; the most important improvement is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and edit each sentence for accurate, natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained and supported with relevant ideas about dual incomes, parental influence, and children's emotional development, although some support is generalised.
Develop the strongest reasons with more precise explanation and avoid relying on unsupported assumptions about single-parent families.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of ideas is easy to identify through logical signposting, but the absence of paragraph breaks seriously weakens the essay's organisational clarity.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some useful less common expressions, but several awkward collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace unnatural phrases with standard academic combinations for living costs, childcare, outdoor activities, and family relationships.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentences communicates the argument clearly overall, but errors in agreement, articles, tense, and conditional forms recur.
Proofread each clause for subject-verb agreement and article use, then ensure conditional sentences keep consistent and accurate verb forms.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.