World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Certain people think that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership since the dawn of the time. Throughout the history, Male leadership encourages violence and some other sets of people suggest considering female leadership to prevail peace. The issue whether or not 'female leadership can be considered as a better option to prevail peace' is always a debatable issue. There are strong arguments from both the sides and let us discuss in a detailed way. Firstly, World history clearly suggests violence were more evident under male leadership.An instance illustrating this in action is first and second world wars.Male leadership encouraged violence in those 2 worlds wars and it is proved that violence is more evident under male leadership.In addition to this, women are against violence by nature and suffer a lot because of the violence thus the women leadership always try to prevail peace. For example, some Asian countries tried to restore the peace during women leadership. It is obvious from this that women leadership can be considered to bring back the peace There is always an opposite side of the coin. Certain women leadership proved that they are ready to encourage violence. To illustrate this, Pakistan started a war during women leadership and it clearly proves that peace cannot be restored by changing leadership. In addition to this, Bangladesh also saw a great deal of internal violence during women leadership only. It is clearly proved that violence can be evident under women leadership also. Thus it is recommended, to prevail peace in all circumstances irrespective of women or men leadership. Peace can prevail in many ways and consider female leadership is only one of those options.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra article Original: since the dawn of the time Suggested revision: since the dawn of time Why it matters: The fixed expression is “since the dawn of time,” without “the” before “time.”
- 2. Remove extra article Original: Throughout the history Suggested revision: Throughout history Why it matters: “History” takes no article when referring generally to all recorded history.
- 3. Use lowercase adjective Original: Male Suggested revision: male Why it matters: “Male” is not a proper noun and should not be capitalized in the middle of a sentence.
- 4. Use natural reference Original: some other sets of people Suggested revision: other people Why it matters: “Other people” is the natural collective expression, whereas “sets of people” is awkward here.
- 5. Add required preposition Original: The issue whether or not Suggested revision: The issue of whether or not Why it matters: The noun “issue” requires “of” before an embedded whether-clause.
- 6. Remove repetition Original: always a debatable issue Suggested revision: always debatable Why it matters: Repeating “issue” in the same sentence is unnecessary.
- 7. Remove extra article Original: both the sides Suggested revision: both sides Why it matters: The quantifier “both” directly modifies the plural noun without “the” here.
- 8. Use concise adverbial Original: in a detailed way Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: “In detail” expresses the same meaning more concisely and naturally.
- 9. Fix clause grammar Original: suggests violence were Suggested revision: suggests that violence was Why it matters: The reporting verb needs a that-clause, and the singular noun “violence” takes “was.”
- 10. Add sentence spacing Original: leadership.An Suggested revision: leadership. An Why it matters: A space is required after the full stop.
- 11. Add sentence spacing Original: wars.Male Suggested revision: wars. Male Why it matters: A space is required between the full stop and the next sentence.
- 12. Correct number phrase Original: those 2 worlds wars Suggested revision: those two world wars Why it matters: Formal prose should spell out the number, and “world” remains singular as a noun modifier.
Suggested Rewrites
- since the dawn of the time since the dawn of time
- Throughout the history Throughout history
- Male male
- some other sets of people other people
- The issue whether or not The issue of whether or not
- always a debatable issue always debatable
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay considers evidence on both male and female leaders and eventually reaches a nuanced conclusion that gender alone cannot secure peace. Its strongest feature is the attempt to test the claim against counterexamples; the main limitation is that the position appears late, historical references remain vague, and the entire response is unparagraphized. The priority is to state the degree of agreement in the introduction and develop two evidence-based body paragraphs before a direct conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are considered and the conclusion implies partial disagreement, but the position is delayed and the historical examples are vague, generalized, and insufficiently explained.
State clearly that leadership gender alone does not determine peace, then support this with specific leaders, conflicts, and relevant causal analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
A broad movement from male-led conflict to female-led counterexamples and a conclusion is recognizable, but absent paragraphing and repetitive assertions weaken progression.
Use separate introduction, supporting view, counterargument, and conclusion paragraphs, each controlled by a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The topic is communicated through some relevant vocabulary, but frequent repetition and awkward collocations such as “prevail peace” and “women leadership” restrict precision.
Use natural terms such as “promote peace,” “female leadership,” “male-led governments,” “armed conflict,” and “gender is not decisive.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, capitalization, sentence boundaries, and clause construction occur throughout and sometimes strain readability.
Write shorter complete sentences and check forms such as “violence was,” “the world wars,” “female leaders try,” and “regardless of gender.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.