World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
History portrays that reign of war and chaos was on the rise under male rulers compared to their counterparts. Now in reality, does this imply that female leaders are more favourable candidates for non-violent governance? In my opinion, it would be irrational to globalise this and crowning of leaders should not on gender biased.
The mighty rulers of the past were predominantly males. History of conflicts and chaos during their time deceive that they possessed an innate quest to conquer the world. The great king Alexander and Hitler exemplify this. But the matter of fact is a deeper interpretation of historical facts reveals that this was the need and situation of that time. The global scenario at that age persuaded the rulers to war and conquer. Another fact would be the conflicts were not less in feminine ruler era too; the great ruler of Jhansi from Indian scripts would serve an example.
However, the nineteenth century has witnessed more organised and determined leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. They exemplify the unfairness in relating male rulers to violence on a global perceptive.
In the present day, where public involvement is emphasised while choosing a leader, the criteria set forward by an educated mass will never be gender biased, instead, they look forward to more sensible leaders. In spite of being under the feminine leadership, India did not address to any changes in its war protocols in last few years. Similar is the situation in another Asian country of Bangladesh. Though our history, canvas male rulers as a source of carnage in the time of antiquity, it would be rather dogmatic to conclude that violence and conflicts are gender bias. Some of the examples mentioned above would serve the evident. I would opine that for peace to prevail, sensible leaders should be crowned irrespective of their gender differences.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: History of conflicts and chaos Suggested revision: The history of conflicts and chaos Why it matters: A definite article is needed when referring to the specific historical record being discussed.
- 2. Use accurate reporting verb Original: deceive Suggested revision: suggests Why it matters: 'Deceive' means to mislead someone and cannot introduce this inference.
- 3. Name examples precisely Original: The great king Alexander and Hitler Suggested revision: Alexander the Great and Hitler Why it matters: The title belongs only to Alexander, so the original coordination mislabels Hitler.
- 4. Use natural time phrase Original: age Suggested revision: time Why it matters: 'At that time' is the conventional phrase for a historical period.
- 5. Fix verb combination Original: persuaded the rulers to war and conquer Suggested revision: pushed rulers to wage war and conquer Why it matters: People wage war; 'persuade someone to war' is not a natural verb pattern here.
- 6. Form comparison correctly Original: the conflicts were not less Suggested revision: conflicts were no less common Why it matters: The revised comparative clearly expresses that conflicts were equally prevalent.
- 7. Use natural noun phrase Original: feminine ruler era Suggested revision: eras of female rule Why it matters: 'Feminine ruler era' is not an idiomatic way to describe periods governed by women.
- 8. Clarify source wording Original: from Indian scripts Suggested revision: in Indian historical accounts Why it matters: 'Historical accounts' conveys the intended type of source more clearly than 'scripts'.
- 9. Use simple past Original: nineteenth century has witnessed Suggested revision: nineteenth century witnessed Why it matters: A completed historical period calls for the simple past rather than the present perfect.
- 10. Correct word and phrase Original: on a global perceptive Suggested revision: from a global perspective Why it matters: 'Perspective' is the required noun, and it combines naturally with 'from'.
- 11. Fix verb pattern Original: address to any changes Suggested revision: make any changes Why it matters: 'Address to changes' is not a valid verb pattern for altering a policy.
- 12. Add definite article Original: in last few years Suggested revision: in the last few years Why it matters: This time expression requires 'the'.
Suggested Rewrites
- History of conflicts and chaos The history of conflicts and chaos
- deceive suggests
- The great king Alexander and Hitler Alexander the Great and Hitler
- age time
- persuaded the rulers to war and conquer pushed rulers to wage war and conquer
- the conflicts were not less conflicts were no less common
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and draws on a varied set of historical and contemporary examples to challenge gender-based leadership claims. Its main weakness is that several examples are asserted imprecisely or only loosely explained, while frequent awkward grammar and word choice reduce authority. The highest priority is to build each paragraph around one accurately explained reason and then edit sentence structures, articles, and collocations for clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear disagreement is sustained, with relevant reasons and examples, although several supporting points are insufficiently explained or historically imprecise.
Develop fewer examples more fully by showing exactly how each one proves that leadership outcomes depend on context rather than gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a generally logical sequence, but the very short third paragraph and some abrupt or mechanical links weaken progression.
Group the evidence into balanced body paragraphs with a clear controlling idea and explicit logical connection in each one.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad vocabulary, but recurrent inaccurate collocations and word forms make several claims sound unnatural or unclear.
Prioritise precise combinations such as gender-biased selection and evidence of conflict, and check whether less common words fit their grammatical context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a mix of simple and complex structures, but frequent article, agreement, clause-construction, and punctuation errors reduce control.
Edit each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure, accurate articles and agreement, and clean separation of independent clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
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