World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Over the time, history has proved that male leadership shows some violence and conflict, while female leadership spreads peace. I agree that male performs more toughness than female in many aspects, especially in leadership, although, there are always some odds that break the rules.
It is well known that men are stronger and tougher than women. Maybe this returns back to his body's physiological structure, referring to his corporal side, hormones or even his nature that he was created on the superior shape by God, where each gender mostly shares many common desires. Although men's violent control, Hitler for example, but recent research studies revealed that two-thirds of the male's brain are mentally described and last third refers to the emotional part in his brain, while the female's brain shows two-thirds of emotions and the other is mental. So, this result leads us to vote positively for men leadership. In addition, we can see that man can stand for hard times and attend and violent moments easier than women without losing control of himself. And this is an important requirement for a good leader.
Unlike male, the female is more sensational and caters for perfect output. They are better in house leading, as they are used to considering small details. The woman in the house embodies the meaning of residence where each member gets rest and live peacefully, they can get all their pains cured in moments. And that is an essential need that humans seek all the time through their life. But this does not mean that the woman is unable to succeed in leadership. We can see clearly the obvious example of Queen Elizabeth, and how could she change the country she judges into a better state, her people love her and can live happy and safe under control. The truth about most of the women that they tend to calmness and peace could qualify her to lead complex organisations and countries even more than men.
Finally, we conclude that whoever male or female is in a leader position, however, all always search for freedom, happiness and peacefulness, and anyone can be a leader only if he or she owns leadership skills and humanity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: Over the time Suggested revision: Over time Why it matters: The fixed time expression does not take the article here.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: performs more toughness Suggested revision: displays greater toughness Why it matters: People display toughness rather than perform it.
- 3. Use plural comparison Original: female Suggested revision: females Why it matters: The comparison requires a plural count noun parallel to the general reference to males.
- 4. Remove misplaced comma Original: although, there are Suggested revision: although there are Why it matters: A comma should not separate although from its subordinate clause.
- 5. Choose precise noun Original: odds Suggested revision: exceptions Why it matters: Exceptions is the natural word for cases that do not follow a general pattern.
- 6. Use correct verb Original: returns back Suggested revision: stems Why it matters: Stems from expresses an origin clearly and avoids the incorrect phrasing returns back to.
- 7. Fix general reference Original: to his body's physiological structure Suggested revision: from men's physiological structure Why it matters: A plural generalization needs a consistent plural reference and the preposition from.
- 8. Use accurate term Original: corporal side Suggested revision: physical characteristics Why it matters: Corporal does not naturally describe bodily characteristics in this context.
- 9. Fix preposition phrase Original: on the superior shape Suggested revision: in a superior form Why it matters: The claim requires the preposition in and an indefinite article.
- 10. Use adjective form Original: men Suggested revision: male Why it matters: Male is the adjective needed to modify leadership.
- 11. Use correct collocation Original: stand for hard times Suggested revision: withstand hard times Why it matters: Withstand means endure a difficult period, whereas stand for has a different meaning.
- 12. Clarify intended action Original: attend and violent moments Suggested revision: endure violent situations Why it matters: Attend does not express coping with difficult or violent circumstances.
Suggested Rewrites
- Over the time Over time
- performs more toughness displays greater toughness
- female females
- although, there are although there are
- odds exceptions
- returns back stems
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response offers several recognisable ideas about leadership and attempts to support them with examples, including Queen Elizabeth. Its main limitation is an inconsistent position: support shifts between male leadership, female leadership, and individual suitability, while several claims remain speculative or unclear. The highest priority is to establish one precise degree of agreement and develop two directly relevant reasons that consistently support it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response engages with both genders and offers examples, but its position changes and several ideas do not directly establish which leadership is more conducive to peace.
State a consistent degree of agreement and make every body paragraph explain how its evidence supports that position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognisable paragraph structure, but contradictory claims and loosely connected sentences weaken the progression of the argument.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and use explicit logical links to connect evidence back to the thesis.
Lexical Resource
There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices such as descriptions of toughness, emotion, and leadership reduce precision.
Prefer accurate, natural expressions such as leadership ability, emotional sensitivity, and cope with pressure instead of forcing unfamiliar vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, clause structure, pronouns, and punctuation often make sentences awkward or difficult to follow.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then check subject-verb agreement, article use, and clause boundaries before combining ideas.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.