World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The world has experienced many terrors and wars where there are many victims who suffered by the use of a deadly weapon or a political decision taken by a leader. Some people believe that those conflicts were mainly caused by male leaders who used their power and greed to attack other nations. Female leadership, according to many, could be an alternative option to prevail peace in the world as female leadership in history suggests less war and conflicts among nations and countrymen. I do not agree with this notion based on several reasons. Firstly, wars in the history are not about gender, but about political decisions. In many countries in this world, war becomes the last option to grasp in case negotiation diplomacy fails to cover national interest. For example, in WWII, Germany and the US failed to negotiate their national interest, war as a consequence was eminent. War is not about gender perspective, but a rational choice that forces leadership to take action. Furthermore, there is no solid evidence that female leadership would bring peace over the world. Some people believe that male makes decisions with their logic and female with their heart, but there is no exact fact to prove this argument while some female leadership, for example, Margaret Thatcher, known as "Iron Lady" because of her rigid way of ruling the country. Conflicts and political deaths in many South Asian countries like India and Bangladesh under female leadership also shows how people have over generalised that a female could bring better world and peace. Thus, the idea about female leadership better than male leadership is not justified enough to change status quo. To sum up, many people believe that the male leaders are prone to abuse their power to make war and violence while female ruling could bring world peace. Only a few woman leaders actually ruled the world compared to the overwhelming numbers of male rulers in history and that’s how this opinion got biased. Their opinion is not proved and I believed this current situation is not because of the gender issue, but for political rational choices.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct cause phrase Original: suffered by the use of Suggested revision: suffered because of the use of Why it matters: Use 'because of' to express the cause of the suffering.
- 2. Use general plurals Original: a deadly weapon or a political decision Suggested revision: deadly weapons or political decisions Why it matters: Plural nouns better express these as general causes rather than single instances.
- 3. Fix illogical collocation Original: used their power and greed Suggested revision: used their power and were driven by greed Why it matters: Leaders can use power, but greed is a motive rather than something they use.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: alternative option Suggested revision: alternative Why it matters: 'Alternative' already means another option, so 'option' is redundant.
- 5. Correct verb choice Original: prevail Suggested revision: promote Why it matters: 'Promote peace' is the natural collocation for helping peace develop.
- 6. Use countable quantifier Original: less war and conflicts Suggested revision: fewer wars and conflicts Why it matters: Use 'fewer' with the countable plural nouns 'wars' and 'conflicts'.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: based on several reasons Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: 'For several reasons' states the basis of the disagreement more naturally.
- 8. Remove article Original: wars in the history Suggested revision: wars in history Why it matters: The general expression 'in history' does not take the definite article.
- 9. Fix awkward collocation Original: the last option to grasp Suggested revision: the last option available Why it matters: An option can be available or chosen, whereas 'grasp an option' is unnatural here.
- 10. Clarify diplomatic failure Original: in case negotiation diplomacy fails Suggested revision: when diplomatic negotiations fail Why it matters: This revision uses the standard phrase and clearly states the condition.
- 11. Correct collocation Original: to cover national interest Suggested revision: to protect national interests Why it matters: Governments protect national interests rather than cover a national interest.
- 12. Add required article Original: gender perspective Suggested revision: a gender perspective Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'perspective' requires an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- suffered by the use of suffered because of the use of
- a deadly weapon or a political decision deadly weapons or political decisions
- used their power and greed used their power and were driven by greed
- alternative option alternative
- prevail promote
- less war and conflicts fewer wars and conflicts
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s clearest strength is its consistent disagreement and its attempt to support that position through political reasoning and examples of female leaders. Its main limitation is that several claims and examples are asserted imprecisely, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce authority and fluency. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each argument with accurate, clearly explained evidence and then edit sentences for natural phrasing and agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by two relevant lines of argument, though some examples are questionable or insufficiently explained.
Develop each main reason through a precise causal explanation and a credible example that directly demonstrates why leadership decisions are unrelated to gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a broadly logical sequence and signposting is clear, but the single-block structure and some mechanical transitions weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, main arguments, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs and use transitions that express the exact relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent collocational and word-choice errors make expression noticeably unnatural.
Replace awkward combinations such as “prevail peace” and “cover national interest” with standard academic collocations, then check word forms carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some variety in sentence structure, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, plurals, tense, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Prioritise subject–verb agreement and article control, and revise long sentences so that every clause has a clear grammatical connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.