World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
If we delved through the major historical archives, it would be noticeable that many wars and conflict occurred under a male leadership. This observation led to some analysts to favouring a female leadership in order to maintain peace and harmony. This approach purporting leadership based on gender to attain peace seemed flawed and simplistic. Instead if would appear that leadership should be chosen based on democracy and the most qualified leader for the job. On the one hand, supporters for female leadership cite the numerous wars and conflicts under male leadership such as Adolf Hitler or Benitto Mussolini. However, it can also be argued that a significant number of atrocities had likewise occurred under female leaders such as Queen Elizabeth during the Iron Age. Additionally, those who support females' leadership may quote their innate nurturing and non-aggressive characteristics as opposed to men's innate aggressiveness. Similarly, this would seem an inaccurate statement as observed in the aforementioned argument. On balance, it would be more sensible to elect a leader based on democracy and his/her qualifications. Firstly, a nation's citizens should ideally be endowed a right to vote for a leader out of their own free will. Additionally, the most qualified person for the leadership may be another useful criterion. This characteristic may range from their previous experience as leaders, favourable leadership qualities and innate morale. Secondly, we all have to acknowledge the metamorphosis of gender's role. It may be that more violence was suffered under male leadership because fewer females were allowed in that role. To summarise, it would appear that the approach to claim that peace would prevail under female leaders as rather simplistic. Ultimately, what would seem more crucial is for the most qualified person irrespective of gender should be chosen by citizens out of their own free will
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate verb Original: delved through Suggested revision: examined Why it matters: 'Examine archives' is the natural expression for consulting historical records.
- 2. Use plural noun Original: conflict Suggested revision: conflicts Why it matters: The quantifier 'many' requires the plural noun 'conflicts'.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: under a male leadership Suggested revision: under male leadership Why it matters: 'Leadership' is uncountable in this general sense and does not take 'a'.
- 4. Fix verb pattern Original: led to some analysts to favouring Suggested revision: led some analysts to favour Why it matters: The correct pattern is 'lead someone to' followed by the base form of the verb.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: a female leadership Suggested revision: female leadership Why it matters: 'Leadership' is uncountable when it refers generally to rule by women.
- 6. Clarify the approach Original: purporting leadership based on gender Suggested revision: proposing gender-based leadership Why it matters: 'Purporting leadership' does not express the intended proposal clearly.
- 7. Correct typo and punctuation Original: Instead if would appear Suggested revision: Instead, it would appear Why it matters: 'If' is a typo for 'it', and the introductory adverb needs a comma.
- 8. Fix preposition Original: for Suggested revision: of Why it matters: The noun 'supporters' takes 'of' before the cause or position supported.
- 9. Use simple past Original: had likewise occurred Suggested revision: likewise occurred Why it matters: No later past reference point justifies the past perfect here.
- 10. Use attributive noun Original: females' leadership Suggested revision: female leadership Why it matters: The attributive form 'female' is required instead of a plural possessive.
- 11. Use correct reporting verb Original: quote Suggested revision: cite Why it matters: 'Cite' means to present a characteristic as supporting evidence, whereas 'quote' requires reproduced words.
- 12. Use contrast marker Original: Similarly Suggested revision: However Why it matters: The sentence challenges the preceding claim, so a contrastive linker is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- delved through examined
- conflict conflicts
- under a male leadership under male leadership
- led to some analysts to favouring led some analysts to favour
- a female leadership female leadership
- purporting leadership based on gender proposing gender-based leadership
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear, consistent rejection of gender-based leadership and develops a thoughtful alternative based on democratic choice, qualifications, and unequal historical access to power. Its strongest reasoning is weakened by a few questionable examples, awkward lexical choices, recurrent grammatical errors, and the absence of paragraph breaks. The main priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and express each sophisticated point in more controlled, idiomatic sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is addressed directly through a consistent position, relevant counterarguments, and a well-developed explanation that historical gender imbalance distorts the comparison.
Strengthen the response by using historically accurate evidence and explaining more precisely how democratic selection and qualifications lead to peaceful leadership.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically from the disputed claim to counterevidence and alternative criteria, but the entire response is presented as one paragraph and some links are repetitive.
Separate the introduction, rebuttal, alternative argument, and conclusion into clear paragraphs so the strong conceptual progression is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of less common vocabulary conveys nuanced ideas, although several collocations and word forms are inaccurate or overly strained.
Use advanced vocabulary more selectively and revise combinations such as support for, entitled to vote, and changing gender roles for idiomatic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used and meaning remains clear, but errors in complementation, agreement, articles, and sentence construction recur.
Check every complex sentence for a single complete grammatical frame, especially after reporting verbs, comparative clauses, and concluding constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.