World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Peace and prosperity are not bound to gender and in fact, they are connected to the qualities that leaders possess. Therefore, I contradict with the given idea that females are better to lead the world than males.
History tells us that males have been better leaders in term of their ruling style and devotion. To judge the state of peace, discrimination between genders is unjust as world’s history is flooded with examples where men leadership lessened chaos around the globe for example in the time of empire system. The given opinion totally has a conflict to what we have today. Countries with least rate of brutality, cruelty and violence such as Sweden and Switzerland are ruled by male governors. The United Kingdom is run by Queen which also has maintained a good prosperity within the state. Again, we have noticed considerable violence and corruptions under the female government in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh!
World’s peace is most injured by the negative use of nuclear technology, differences in religion, poverty and crime rates etc. If a leader gets good control of such conflicting issues, then regardless of gender, peace would prevail worldwide. Maintenance of peace is influenced by making effective foreign relation policies, eliminating poverty, strengthening funding for needy nations and avoiding war. These are real duties of a leader which men women both can do.
Hence, I totally disagree with the idea of relating peace to the gender of a leader. Both men and women should be given equal chances to lead the world. It is just a general rule to be followed that those who desire peace, deserve to be seated in authoritative positions.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct stance phrase Original: contradict Suggested revision: disagree Why it matters: A writer disagrees with an idea; 'contradict with' is not the correct construction here.
- 2. Complete the comparison Original: females are better to lead Suggested revision: women are better suited to lead Why it matters: The adjective phrase 'better suited' correctly expresses comparative suitability.
- 3. Use plural expression Original: term Suggested revision: terms Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'in terms of'.
- 4. Correct the collocation Original: totally has a conflict to Suggested revision: directly conflicts with Why it matters: The verb 'conflicts with' is the natural construction for expressing opposition.
- 5. Add superlative article Original: Countries with least rate of Suggested revision: Countries with the lowest rates of Why it matters: A superlative requires 'the', and the plural 'rates' agrees with the list of conditions.
- 6. Add the article Original: run by Queen Suggested revision: run by a queen Why it matters: The singular common noun 'queen' needs an article and does not take a capital here.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: a good prosperity Suggested revision: prosperity Why it matters: Prosperity is uncountable and does not take the article 'a'.
- 8. Use uncountable form Original: corruptions Suggested revision: corruption Why it matters: Corruption is normally uncountable when referring generally to dishonest governance.
- 9. Match multiple countries Original: under the female government Suggested revision: under female governments Why it matters: The three countries named require the plural noun 'governments'.
- 10. Use formal punctuation Original: Bangladesh! Suggested revision: Bangladesh. Why it matters: A full stop is more appropriate than an exclamation mark for this formal factual statement.
- 11. Use standard expression Original: World’s Suggested revision: World Why it matters: World peace is the established noun phrase and does not use a possessive form.
- 12. Choose precise verb Original: injured Suggested revision: threatened Why it matters: Peace can be threatened or undermined, whereas 'injured' is not natural in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- contradict disagree
- females are better to lead women are better suited to lead
- term terms
- totally has a conflict to directly conflicts with
- Countries with least rate of Countries with the lowest rates of
- run by Queen run by a queen
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay states a definite disagreement and maintains a relevant focus on the qualities and policies that promote peace, with a clear overall paragraph structure. Its main limitation is that the claim that men have been better leaders conflicts with the later argument that gender is irrelevant, while broad country examples remain insufficiently explained. Build one consistent line of reasoning and support it with carefully qualified, specific evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained overall and relevant reasons are presented, but inconsistent claims and sweeping examples weaken the development.
Frame the argument consistently around leadership qualities rather than gender, then explain one specific example showing how those qualities foster peace.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the essay clear progression, although some sentences within the first body paragraph are connected rather abruptly.
Use a focused topic sentence and organise each example around a single controlling claim before moving to the next point.
Lexical Resource
The response shows adequate range for the topic, but frequent awkward collocations such as 'contradict with,' 'men leadership,' and 'good prosperity' reduce precision.
Prioritise accurate word partnerships, using forms such as 'disagree with,' 'male leadership,' and 'maintained peace and prosperity.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, though recurring article, agreement, possessive, and word-form errors remain noticeable.
Edit systematically for noun forms and determiners, especially phrases such as 'in terms of,' 'men and women,' and 'the world's history.'
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IELTS Writing Task 2
World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
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