In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
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Sample Response
In some cultures,There is a phenomenon that children are oftenoftern instilled with the notioninstilled the notion that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough in some cultures. I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages in this essayeassy.
To begin with, one primary benefit is to help children achieve their goals and foster personal growthcomplete self-development. Children who obtain continuous motivationmotivations from that concept will devote all their energy to chasingenergy chasing their dreams and goals. It inspires their potentialpotential ability and drives them to act proactively to solve every single problem along the way. Thus, children could learn from experiences where they overcome obstacles and lessons where they fall into traps. Consequently, they could achieve what they are pursuingchasing for with strong abilities. As a result, children complete the process of self-development and experience a profound sense of achievement.
Another significant advantage is that children acquire invaluable psychological resiliencespiritual wealth. Children who have made their dreams come true could regard the notion that if they try hard and then deserve everything as a transferable successful experienceexperiences to apply to any aspects when facing tough issues. The rewards of hard workhard-working and courage become the cornerstone to build their confidence to challenge anything getting in their way. With this kind ofsuch sort of mental wealth, it empowers them to fight and grow on the way to overcomingon the way overcoming those difficultiesdiffculties.
However, this concept also has its drawbacks. A significant disadvantage is that it can set children on a more vulnerable path in life. For children who firmly embrace this mindset, the belief that persistent effort is the only route to success means they rarely adjust their goals, even when faced with repeated failures. For instance, a student who is genuinely gifted in math but strives for a flawless performance in chemistry may still fail to achieve satisfactory results despite repeated exams. When failures become too frequent, children may succumb to self-doubt, which gradually erodes their confidence. Consequently, they may become depressed and hopeless, completely losing their self-belief.
Another drawback is that this belief limits children's flexibility. By encouraging children to persist, this belief guides them to rebuild confidence and stick to their current approaches, ignoring whether this path truly suits themwhether it is the correct path that suits them. Without reflecting on themselves, children unquestioningly follow their original path towards unrealistic goals. Consequently, it leads them to failure and they lose the confidence to shift into the right direction.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response offers a clear and thoroughly developed discussion of both the positive and negative aspects of telling children they can achieve anything. Its strongest feature is the thorough development of ideas in the body paragraphs, while the main limitation is the complete absence of a conclusion paragraph to wrap up the essay. To improve, add a brief concluding summary that balances your final perspective and rounds off the overall argument structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay effectively explores both sides of the prompt with well-developed supporting arguments and relevant illustrative examples.
Include a clear final conclusion to confirm your overall stance and provide full closure to the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are logically organized internally, but the lack of an ending conclusion leaves the essay's overall framework incomplete.
Add a dedicated summary conclusion and vary cohesive transitions to avoid overusing formulas like 'consequently'.
Lexical Resource
A wide range of sophisticated vocabulary is used naturally, despite a few minor word choice inaccuracies.
Refine phrase choices such as 'obtain continuous motivations' to more natural collocations like 'derive ongoing motivation'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good variety of simple and complex sentence structures is demonstrated with generally strong grammatical control.
Proofread for minor grammatical slips such as prepositions in phrases like 'what they are chasing for'.