In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?
Sample Response
These days a lot of parents worry about their children’s independent behaviours. In fact, it was a custom that youth leave their homes after they married in many countries but at present, mentioned custom has changed and young people make their own life because of other different purposes such as study or work. While there are some disadvantages on this new behaviour trend, advantages are more considered and so, this essay has tried to cover the reasons.
In the past, it was defined that anyone should marry and young people live with their parents to save money and increase their abilities to make their own families. It was logical that they didn't separate from their parents as they specified marriage as their life goal and according to those days' lifestyle, living with parents was preferred by young people and was beneficial.
But nowadays, youth have a new perspective of life. In other words, they do not believe that marriage is the most important goal in life and they should be independent as soon as possible to have their interested lifestyle. Therefore, new targets have been replaced and youth not only do stay with their parents until they are married, but they go to other cities or countries to work or study. In fact, it makes a good opportunity for young people to be independent and help them to understand the meaning of life including its difficulties and ups and downs.
I think, therefore, parents always want that their children obtain living skills and perhaps, allowing them to be separated for any reasons is the best way for this purpose and undeniably it would bring lots of advantages for young people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Unnatural phrase Original: independent behaviours Suggested revision: independence Why it matters: Independence is the natural noun for this idea.
- 2. Tense error Original: it was a custom that youth leave Suggested revision: it was customary for young people to leave Why it matters: The past background needs a correct structure.
- 3. Verb phrase Original: after they married Suggested revision: after they got married Why it matters: Got married is the natural phrase.
- 4. Missing article Original: mentioned custom has changed Suggested revision: the custom mentioned has changed Why it matters: The noun phrase needs an article.
- 5. Wrong collocation Original: make their own life Suggested revision: build their own lives Why it matters: Build their own lives is the natural expression.
- 6. Preposition and phrase Original: some disadvantages on this new behaviour trend Suggested revision: some disadvantages to this new trend Why it matters: Use disadvantage to, and trend is enough here.
- 7. Unclear thesis Original: advantages are more considered Suggested revision: the advantages are greater Why it matters: This directly states the comparison required by the question.
- 8. Pronoun choice Original: anyone should marry Suggested revision: everyone should marry Why it matters: Everyone fits a general social expectation better than anyone.
- 9. Past tense Original: young people live with their parents Suggested revision: young people lived with their parents Why it matters: The paragraph describes the past.
- 10. Wrong verb Original: specified marriage as their life goal Suggested revision: saw marriage as their main life goal Why it matters: Saw marriage as is the natural phrase.
- 11. Natural phrase Original: youth have a new perspective of life Suggested revision: young people have a new perspective on life Why it matters: Perspective on life is the correct collocation.
- 12. Wrong adjective Original: to have their interested lifestyle Suggested revision: to have the lifestyle they want Why it matters: Interested does not describe the desired lifestyle here.
Suggested Rewrites
- independent behaviours independence
- it was a custom that youth leave it was customary for young people to leave
- after they married after they got married
- mentioned custom has changed the custom mentioned has changed
- make their own life build their own lives
- some disadvantages on this new behaviour trend some disadvantages to this new trend
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a position that the trend has more advantages, but disadvantages are only briefly mentioned and not properly developed.
Explain at least one disadvantage, such as loneliness, financial pressure, or loss of family support, before arguing that independence is more beneficial.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is paragraphing and a general time contrast between past and present, but the argument relies heavily on background and has some unclear progression.
Use body paragraph one for disadvantages and body paragraph two for advantages, then compare them directly in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is relevant but often unnatural or imprecise, with repeated use of youth, custom, and independent.
Use phrases such as young adults, live independently, family support, study or work away from home, life skills, and financial responsibility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in tense, articles, verb patterns, and sentence structure sometimes make meaning awkward, though the main idea remains clear.
Check past-tense background sentences and use correct patterns after want, allow, and help.