Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Nowadays, the advancement of technology has immensely catalysed the improvements in our day to day experiences. Technology plays many vital roles in the fields of medicine, industrial science, research, and telecommunications. Additionally, these technological advancements are utilised by security agencies. Some are concerned that recording people's activities through the use of technology without their knowledge are against citizens’ privacy. In my view, this is of little concern compared to the many positive aspects this surveillance brings for us including protecting citizens from terrorists and detecting crimes.
Firstly, the implementation of technology, especially in establishments for the use of security, has helped in resolving crimes like theft. More and more companies take advantages of this by installing multiple CCTVs or surveillance cameras around their premises. Criminals who are unaware of these cameras are caught red handed in doing their mischief. In addition, surveillance cameras not only help solve the increasing crime rates but also aid in finding lost items and tracking down runaway pets by reviewing the recording of the previous days and even weeks or months. The sole objective of this monitoring system is to protect and detect crimes, not to violate people’s privacy. The criminals do not come from other planets. They live among us thus to detect them the security authority needs to monitors all citizens.
The only disadvantage of the use of technology in this aspect is the violation of a person's privacy. Some individuals hold very high regard to protecting their personal space and would be dismayed to find out that they were recorded on a hidden camera. Because of this, there is a decreased amount of freedom that one has in doing some activities, most especially in public places.
In summary, technology has drastically improved our way of living and has greatly contributed to resolving the criminal cases around the vicinity. It is my deepest belief that there is more space for the development of technology which will absolutely defy the few disadvantages that this advancement brings.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct verb phrase Original: immensely catalysed the improvements in Suggested revision: greatly improved Why it matters: The original collocation is awkward, while the direct verb preserves the intended meaning.
- 2. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The gerund phrase headed by 'recording' is singular and takes 'is'.
- 3. Use correct privacy phrase Original: against citizens’ privacy Suggested revision: a violation of citizens’ privacy Why it matters: An action is 'a violation of privacy', not 'against privacy'.
- 4. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: brings for us Suggested revision: brings us Why it matters: The verb 'bring' takes the recipient directly before the object.
- 5. Name threat generally Original: terrorists Suggested revision: terrorism Why it matters: The abstract noun identifies the type of threat more precisely in this general claim.
- 6. Clarify security purpose Original: establishments for the use of security Suggested revision: establishments for security purposes Why it matters: The revision uses the standard phrase for describing intended use.
- 7. Use singular expression Original: advantages Suggested revision: advantage Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'take advantage of'.
- 8. Use precise crime phrase Original: caught red handed in doing their mischief Suggested revision: caught red-handed committing crimes Why it matters: The revision uses the standard hyphenated expression and a precise verb-object combination.
- 9. Correct crime-rate collocation Original: solve the increasing crime rates Suggested revision: reduce rising crime rates Why it matters: Crime rates are reduced, whereas individual crimes are solved.
- 10. Use plural recordings Original: the recording of the previous days Suggested revision: recordings from previous days Why it matters: Reviewing several periods requires the plural noun, and 'from' identifies when footage was recorded.
- 11. Clarify parallel objects Original: protect and detect crimes Suggested revision: protect people and detect crimes Why it matters: The verb 'protect' needs an object representing those kept safe.
- 12. Use value collocation Original: hold very high regard to protecting Suggested revision: place a high value on protecting Why it matters: The standard expression is 'place a high value on' an activity.
Suggested Rewrites
- immensely catalysed the improvements in greatly improved
- are is
- against citizens’ privacy a violation of citizens’ privacy
- brings for us brings us
- terrorists terrorism
- establishments for the use of security establishments for security purposes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear view that surveillance benefits outweigh privacy costs and develops crime detection with several concrete applications. Its main limitation is one-sided weighing: privacy is treated as the only drawback, while the claim that authorities need to monitor all citizens is neither qualified nor reconciled with consent concerns. Prioritise safeguards and a direct comparison between targeted security and indiscriminate monitoring.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both benefits and privacy costs are discussed, but the weighing relies on broad claims and overlooks safeguards against excessive surveillance.
Explain how warrants, transparency, data limits, or oversight could preserve crime-prevention benefits while reducing harm to innocent citizens.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, benefit paragraph, disadvantage paragraph, and conclusion create clear progression, with only occasional internal digressions.
Keep the crime paragraph focused on its strongest evidence and move the claim about monitoring all citizens into a qualified evaluation of proportionality.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a fairly wide range of surveillance and crime vocabulary, though several collocations are inaccurate or overstated.
Prefer natural phrases such as 'improve daily life', 'take advantage of CCTV', 'caught red-handed', 'solve crimes', and 'value their privacy highly'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally understandable, but recurring agreement, article, preposition, and verb-form errors reduce accuracy.
Check subject-verb agreement and plural forms, especially 'recording activities is', 'companies take advantage', and 'authorities need to monitor'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.