Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Technology provides a valuable, almost indispensable aid to our daily living. It helps us saving time, remembering things, being more efficient and safer. It is thus a logical consequence that it is utilised as a tool to monitor social behaviour, in order to prevent or restrain situations that could cause harm to others. This is indeed the main argument used by those who are in favour of the monitoring use of technology. Tracking phone calls and text messages could preventively stop terrorist attacks, uncover instances of state corruption, and help to investigate crimes. Security cameras have been proven to be an effective small-crime deterrent and allow citizens to move around the city without the constant fear of been robbed, pickpocketed or assaulted. We have to consider, however, that technology is yet not self-sufficient and can only provide a set of data that needs to be interpreted and checked by a human operator. The human factor, as any human factors, will, in turn, belong to a societal web and will, as Foucault would put it, follow a specific, pre-ordered, hierarchy of power. The point at stake here is then not really if we do benefit from the monitoring use of technology, which we surely do, but if such socio-normative and reprimanded apparatuses could not, in fact, be turned against personal freedoms and nurture the rise of totalitarianism. George Orwell's famous novel "1984" provides a dystopic picture of the effects born out of an excessive use of technology as a mean to monitor human lives. In my opinion, technology provides an effective way of preventing and punishing deviant behaviours but could very well, at some point, be used to coerce individuals. For this not to happen, a scrupulous policy in regard to technological monitoring has to be effective at all times.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: aid to our daily living Suggested revision: aid in our daily lives Why it matters: 'Aid in' and the plural 'lives' form the natural expression for a general benefit.
- 2. Fix verb pattern Original: saving Suggested revision: save Why it matters: 'Help' takes the bare infinitive after an object in this construction.
- 3. Restore parallel form Original: remembering Suggested revision: remember Why it matters: The list should continue with a bare infinitive after 'helps us'.
- 4. Restore parallel form Original: being Suggested revision: become Why it matters: The final list item also needs a bare infinitive parallel to 'save' and 'remember'.
- 5. Use direct logic Original: It is thus a logical consequence that Suggested revision: It is therefore logical that Why it matters: The replacement states the relationship more directly and naturally.
- 6. Fix verb collocation Original: restrain Suggested revision: control Why it matters: Situations can be prevented or controlled, while 'restrain' normally applies to people or forces.
- 7. Clarify noun phrase Original: in favour of the monitoring use of technology Suggested revision: in favour of the use of monitoring technology Why it matters: The revised noun order clearly identifies technology used for monitoring.
- 8. Remove redundant adverb Original: preventively stop terrorist attacks Suggested revision: prevent terrorist attacks Why it matters: 'Prevent' already means stopping something before it happens.
- 9. Use natural crime term Original: an effective small-crime deterrent Suggested revision: an effective deterrent to petty crime Why it matters: 'Deterrent to petty crime' is the standard collocation.
- 10. Use gerund form Original: been Suggested revision: being Why it matters: The preposition 'of' must be followed by the gerund 'being'.
- 11. Fix adverb order Original: technology is yet not self-sufficient Suggested revision: technology is not yet self-sufficient Why it matters: 'Not yet' is the standard order for this negative time expression.
- 12. Clarify the comparison Original: The human factor, as any human factors, Suggested revision: A human operator, like any individual, Why it matters: The original singular-plural comparison is ungrammatical and does not identify the decision-maker clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- aid to our daily living aid in our daily lives
- saving save
- remembering remember
- being become
- It is thus a logical consequence that It is therefore logical that
- restrain control
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response's strongest feature is its sophisticated discussion of both public-safety benefits and the danger that human-controlled surveillance systems may erode freedom or enable authoritarian power. Its main limitation is that the final judgement remains conditional rather than explicitly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and the entire argument appears in one paragraph. Prioritise a direct weighing conclusion tied to specific legal safeguards, supported by clear benefit and risk paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response develops substantial advantages and disadvantages with relevant examples, but its conditional final position does not explicitly resolve which side outweighs the other.
State whether regulated surveillance produces a net benefit and specify the safeguards—such as warrants, transparency and independent oversight—on which that judgement depends.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasoning moves coherently from safety benefits to human interpretation, threats to freedom and a conditional conclusion, but the single-paragraph presentation weakens structural clarity.
Separate the introduction, benefits, risks and final weighing into distinct paragraphs while preserving the logical transition from data collection to human power.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and often precise, supporting nuanced discussion of surveillance and political power, though several ambitious collocations are inaccurate or obscure.
Prefer natural terms such as 'prevent attacks', 'petty-crime deterrent', 'repressive apparatus' and 'a means of monitoring' over strained alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is handled with generally good control, despite several noticeable verb-form, article and agreement errors.
Correct forms such as 'helps us save', 'fear of being robbed', 'like any human factor' and 'a means of monitoring'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.