Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
With the exponential growth of the technology in recent times, we are also seeing its wide and varied application in all walks of life one among it is to track the movements of people and their doings. This application can be a boon or a bane but in my view, the harmful effects outweigh the useful outcomes. Firstly, increasing intrusion in one’s life events without consent is seen as a denial of privacy which is a fundamental right. This can be viewed as a major emotional setback as it happened in the case of phone tapping row in America which resulted in clashes between government and public. Not only it leads to distrust among people but also disturbed the social harmony which existed. Furthermore, the data collected by monitoring can be misused if it ends up in wrong hands. For example, people can use these data to extort money or events like ATM frauds and credit cards frauds or leakage of private images on the internet damaging the reputation of the concerned individual. Although, one cannot deny that these activities of surveillance by designated authorities can prevent any attack on humanity by antisocial elements like terrorists thus maintaining peace and harmony in the society. Moreover, these kinds of monitoring at a certain level can be used by the employers for employee appraisal by knowing the right candidate deserving rewards for his hard work. To conclude, as every coin has two sides similarly use of technology to keep track of people also has its own advantages and disadvantages though in my opinion disadvantages outweigh advantages by a small margin.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: growth of the technology Suggested revision: growth of technology Why it matters: Technology is an uncountable general noun here and takes no article.
- 2. Separate the clauses Original: life one among it is Suggested revision: life; one application is Why it matters: A semicolon separates the complete first clause and repairs the faulty phrase.
- 3. Use natural noun Original: doings Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: 'Activities' is the appropriate formal noun for what people do.
- 4. Use direct terms Original: a boon or a bane Suggested revision: a benefit or a drawback Why it matters: The revised nouns state the positive and negative outcomes more clearly.
- 5. Use precise adjective Original: increasing Suggested revision: increased Why it matters: 'Increased' describes a greater degree of intrusion.
- 6. Name private sphere Original: one’s life events Suggested revision: one's private life Why it matters: The issue concerns intrusion into private life rather than particular events.
- 7. Use standard collocation Original: denial Suggested revision: violation Why it matters: Privacy is normally described as being violated rather than denied.
- 8. Correct tense and structure Original: as it happened in the case Suggested revision: as occurred in the case Why it matters: The concise past-tense clause refers to the cited event grammatically.
- 9. Add definite articles Original: clashes between government and public Suggested revision: clashes between the government and the public Why it matters: Both specific collective nouns require 'the'.
- 10. Invert after not only Original: Not only it leads Suggested revision: Not only does it lead Why it matters: Initial 'not only' requires auxiliary-subject inversion.
- 11. Use parallel present tense Original: but also disturbed Suggested revision: but it also disturbs Why it matters: The second clause needs a subject and must match the present tense of the first.
- 12. Use concise modifier Original: social harmony which existed Suggested revision: existing social harmony Why it matters: The adjective phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- growth of the technology growth of technology
- life one among it is life; one application is
- doings activities
- a boon or a bane a benefit or a drawback
- increasing increased
- one’s life events one's private life
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear judgment that surveillance causes slightly more harm and supports it with relevant discussion of privacy, data misuse, security, and employee assessment. Its strongest feature is the direct comparison of benefits and risks, while some examples are loosely connected and frequent sentence-level errors reduce clarity. Prioritise explaining why the privacy and misuse risks outweigh the security benefits by the stated margin.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent comparative position is supported by relevant disadvantages and advantages, though the weighting implied by 'a small margin' is not explicitly justified.
Compare the seriousness and likelihood of privacy abuse against security gains to show why the disadvantages are marginally greater.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves clearly from its position through two disadvantages and two advantages to a conclusion, but absent paragraphing and some faulty connectors reduce cohesion.
Separate risks and benefits into paragraphs and attach the sentence beginning 'Although' to a complete main clause.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for privacy, crime, and surveillance, but several strained collocations and imprecise examples weaken accuracy.
Use precise terms such as 'invasion of privacy,' 'unauthorised surveillance,' 'data breaches,' 'public safety,' and 'performance monitoring.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and meaning remains broadly clear, but agreement, tense, article, inversion, and sentence-boundary errors occur regularly.
Correct the 'not only...but also' structure, maintain tense consistency, and divide overloaded example sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.