The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
The issue whether 'married women should work or should stay at home to care their children' is always a disputable issue. Strong arguments are present from both the sides and let us discuss in a detailed way. Firstly, married women should work to get financial independence and her income helps the family too. Nowadays, expenses are increasing day by day and this extra income definitely helps the family to overcome the expenses. I observed that the families who are having two salaries always can afford the better education for their children can have a better lifestyle, and can plan better savings. Everybody is aware that currently many women got a good education and gained skills which are required for the industry. So married women should go the work and utilise their skill which helps to the Society. There is always an opposite side of a coin. Married women have more responsibility for their children. Children are connected more to their mothers, so mothers should take care of children. Mothers should teach children about society, need of education. If married women become busy with the work, children future will become uncertain. I observed some children are grown in a systematic way who are taken care by a mother. In Conclusion, I prefer married women should work as well as concentrate on children career. They should balance their work and personal life. Male too needs to help women in children's care.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary article Original: both the sides Suggested revision: both sides Why it matters: Both does not take the definite article in this expression.
- 2. Use concise phrase Original: in a detailed way Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: In detail is the standard and more concise expression.
- 3. Improve word choice Original: get Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: Gain collocates more naturally with financial independence.
- 4. Match plural subject Original: her Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun married women.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: overcome the expenses Suggested revision: meet these expenses Why it matters: People meet or cover expenses rather than overcome them.
- 6. Use consistent present tense Original: currently many women got a good education and gained skills Suggested revision: many women now receive a good education and acquire skills Why it matters: The present-time claim requires present-tense verbs and more natural verb choices.
- 7. Add direction preposition Original: the Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The fixed expression is go to work.
- 8. Use plural noun Original: skill Suggested revision: skills Why it matters: The earlier reference to multiple acquired abilities requires the plural form.
- 9. Correct benefit phrase Original: which helps to the Society Suggested revision: which benefits society Why it matters: Benefit takes a direct object here, and society does not need a capital letter.
- 10. Fix idiom Original: an opposite side of a coin Suggested revision: the other side of the coin Why it matters: The established idiom uses the other side and the definite article.
- 11. Place adverb naturally Original: connected more to their mothers Suggested revision: more closely connected to their mothers Why it matters: Closely is the appropriate adverb and belongs before the participle.
- 12. Complete coordinated phrase Original: about society, need of education Suggested revision: about society and the need for education Why it matters: The two objects need a conjunction, and need is followed by for in this expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- both the sides both sides
- in a detailed way in detail
- get gain
- her their
- overcome the expenses meet these expenses
- currently many women got a good education and gained skills many women now receive a good education and acquire skills
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response presents a recognizable balanced position and offers relevant points about employment, finances, and childcare, so its general line of thought remains understandable. However, it only partly addresses the stated claim about working mothers causing problems such as juvenile delinquency, and its development is weakened by being under length, unparagraphised, and frequently inaccurate. The priority is to evaluate that causal claim directly with developed support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A position emerges and both employment and childcare are discussed, but the specific claim linking working mothers to youth problems is only indirectly addressed.
State a clear degree of agreement and directly evaluate the claimed causes of juvenile delinquency with developed evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a recognizable sequence, but mechanical transitions, weak sentence linking, and the absence of paragraphing limit progression.
Separate the introduction, contrasting arguments, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer logical links.
Lexical Resource
The response uses enough vocabulary to discuss the topic, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise word choices reduce naturalness.
Use accurate topic collocations such as care for children, enter the workforce, and children's development instead of literal or vague phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and some complex structures convey the main meaning, though frequent errors in articles, agreement, prepositions, and sentence construction remain noticeable.
Prioritize accurate clause boundaries and noun phrases, especially possessives, articles, and subject-verb agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
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