The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is believed that the role of women in the family and in the community has changed significantly in the past two decades. Although some people have called it a positive development, others think that it has caused some serious problems for children, since they have less attention from their mothers who are mostly working. To a certain extent, I would agree with the statement, but I think it will depend on the individuals themselves on how they manage their time. On the one hand, it is true that as a career woman, women have less time for their children. They have to leave home early in the morning, while their children are still sleeping in their bed and arrive back at night when the children will have been asleep. As a result, they have little time for their family and children are left at home alone. They become depress or stress due to the lack of attentions from their mothers and lead them in doing some negative things to attract their mother's attention, such as using drugs or involve in crime activities. On the other hand, some working women have successfully balanced between their professional and personal time. They have learned to work in the most efficient and effective ways and managed their priority well. Therefore they would not have to spend such a long hours at work and could give more time for their children. Consequently, the children would not be feeling abandoned or neglected, while the mothers could continue with their work. In conclusion, it is a fact that many women have become working women these days, and some people think that the trend has cause some problems for the children. To a certain level, I would agree that the rising number of working women could cause some problems for the family, as I think it depends on the person themselves. If they could manage their schedule and priority well, I think they could be successful working women and housewives as well.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix verb collocation Original: have Suggested revision: receive Why it matters: People receive attention rather than have attention in this context.
- 2. Clarify relative clause Original: their mothers who are mostly working Suggested revision: their mothers, most of whom work Why it matters: The revised non-defining clause clearly refers to most of the mothers.
- 3. Fix clause structure Original: the individuals themselves on how Suggested revision: how the individuals themselves Why it matters: Depend on should be followed directly by the embedded how clause.
- 4. Match number and reference Original: as a career woman, women Suggested revision: as career women, they Why it matters: The plural noun and pronoun agree with the group being discussed.
- 5. Use plural possessive Original: their family and children are left Suggested revision: their families, and children are left Why it matters: A plural possessive subject requires families, and the comma separates the two resulting clauses.
- 6. Use adjective forms Original: become depress or stress Suggested revision: become depressed or stressed Why it matters: Become is followed by the adjective forms depressed and stressed.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: attentions Suggested revision: attention Why it matters: Attention is uncountable in this expression.
- 8. Fix cause structure Original: and lead them in doing Suggested revision: which leads them to do Why it matters: The relative clause needs a singular verb and the pattern lead someone to do.
- 9. Make forms parallel Original: using drugs or involve Suggested revision: using drugs or becoming involved Why it matters: The coordinated examples require parallel gerund forms.
- 10. Use correct collocation Original: crime Suggested revision: criminal Why it matters: Criminal activities is the standard collocation.
- 11. Fix balance construction Original: balanced between their professional and personal time Suggested revision: balanced their professional and personal commitments Why it matters: Balance takes the two matched elements directly without between here.
- 12. Fix tense and number Original: managed their priority well Suggested revision: have managed their priorities well Why it matters: The present perfect maintains parallelism with have learned, and priorities should be plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- have receive
- their mothers who are mostly working their mothers, most of whom work
- the individuals themselves on how how the individuals themselves
- as a career woman, women as career women, they
- their family and children are left their families, and children are left
- become depress or stress become depressed or stressed
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a relevant, qualified position and explains two contrasting outcomes for families in a generally understandable sequence. Its main weakness is the frequency of grammatical and collocational errors, compounded by the lack of visible paragraphing, which makes the discussion less controlled and polished. Prioritise accurate word forms and agreement, then divide the argument into clear introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent qualified position and relevant ideas, though the support is somewhat general and simplified.
Develop each side with a more specific explanation or example and examine causes beyond individual time management.
Coherence and Cohesion
The opposing ideas and conclusion follow a clear sequence, but mechanical linking and the absence of paragraph breaks weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with less repetitive signposting.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic and includes some less common items, but recurring word-form and collocation errors reduce precision.
Learn accurate combinations such as suffer from stress, become depressed, commit crimes, and manage priorities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but frequent errors in agreement, plurals, verb forms, and articles limit control.
Focus editing on subject-verb agreement and noun forms before refining more complex sentence patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.