The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Sample Response
The diagrams show the process of cement production and then how this cement is used for concrete production. OverallAs is observed from the graph, cement production involves several stagessome complex processes and concrete is producedconcrete production is done using waterthe water, cement, sand and gravelcement and sand in a concrete mixer. The first diagram shows thatdepicts that, cement production begins whento produce cement first limestone and claythe limestone and clay are crushed and the resulting powderthe produced powder from this is passed through a mixer. The powderpower is then passed throughvia a rotating heater where heat is supplied constantly and this process creates the raw cement materials which are passed through a grinderpassed on a grinder machine to finally produce the cement. The cement is then packed and marketed for sale. The second diagram presents how the concrete is produced for housing and building work. In the first stage, 15% cement, 10% water, 25% sand and 50% small stones are mixed in a concrete mixerconcrete mixer machine and the machine rotatesrotates fast to have the ingredients mixed together to create the concrete.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response follows both processes in the correct order and reports all four concrete proportions accurately, so the central visual information is easy to recover. Its main limitation is imprecise process language and recurring grammatical awkwardness, while the overview omits gravel and the statement that cement is marketed is not shown. Prioritise a complete overview and precise passive descriptions of each stage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All cement stages and concrete proportions are reported in sequence, but the overview omits gravel and the claim that bagged cement is marketed is unsupported by the diagram.
State in the overview that cement requires several stages while concrete is made by mixing cement, water, sand, and gravel, and avoid adding a sales stage.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from cement manufacture to concrete production, but the single paragraph and long linked clauses make stage boundaries less clear.
Separate the overview, cement process, and concrete process into focused paragraphs and use concise sequencing links for each stage.
Lexical Resource
Relevant process vocabulary is used, but repetition and imprecise expressions such as "power," "raw cement materials," and "grinder machine" limit accuracy.
Use exact process terms from the visual, including "powder," "rotating heater," "grinder," and "gravel."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Passive structures and complex clauses are attempted, but recurring article, preposition, word-order, and clause-control errors reduce grammatical accuracy.
Build shorter passive sentences for each stage and check articles and prepositions in phrases such as "passed through the mixer" and "ground in a grinder."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.