Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. What is your opinion on that?
Sample Response
As we know sports are very important in day-to-day lifeday to day life. Youngsters become more attracted to sportsget more attraction towards sports and try to play like professional athletestry to play the same as professional athletes. They copy them in various waysmeans like playing style, appearance, hairstylelooking, hair style, speaking, body language etc. Interviews withfrom professional athletes play an important role for all of their fans as they implement their tips and advice in their play strategies, which gives them guidance and a pathguidance and path in becoming successful. Likewise, they learn team building, teamwork, individual effort and people management skills in their life. Yet in the response of above, we see some professional athletes are involved in advertisinginvolve in advertisement, movie making and promoting brands, which is basically a way to earn more money for them but it gives poor exampleswrong lessons to their viewers and fans. Young people think, to be good looking, is also a part to become a successful athlete and somehow, they become distractedget distraction from their career path. Hence, many good athletes remain unsuccessful in their career path and usually switch to another domain when they face failure. Followers should understand everyone has one merit or anotherone or other merit in himself and different style to do any work, also to be true to their work only can make them successful in their life; for Example: Mahendra Dhoni is a famous athlete and famous for his batting style and long hair style, but he is also a dedicated person towards his work which helped him to climb the success ladder. Therefore, I truly believe if something comes to lesson giving to the viewers and fans, successful people like celebrities should not give wrong lessons. They should always boost up their viewers and come up with different ideas which can help them to lead their life in the right path. Distracting youngsters in their career building age can bring serious issues for country's development and create serious problems for everyoneput everyone in soup.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response offers several relevant ideas about athletes’ influence, including advice, advertising, dedication, and imitation, and the example helps ground the discussion. However, the writer’s position on whether athletes are good role models is not maintained clearly, and the single-block structure, awkward collocations, and frequent grammar errors weaken progression. State a direct opinion early, organise contrasting influences into separate paragraphs, and express each point in shorter, more controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay gives an opinion and includes relevant ideas about imitation, advice, advertising, and dedication. However, the position is not consistently framed around whether athletes are good role models, and some claims are overgeneralised or unclear.
State your opinion in the introduction, then organise one paragraph on positive role modelling and one on negative influence before giving a clear judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The answer is written as one long paragraph, so progression is difficult to follow. There are linking words, but ideas often run together without clear paragraph control.
Divide the essay into four paragraphs and use topic sentences to separate positive examples, negative examples, and the final judgement.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but many collocations are inaccurate or informal, which limits precision.
Learn natural phrases such as "are attracted to," "set an example," "career path," and "lead them onto the right path."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent grammar errors with articles, verb forms, prepositions, and sentence boundaries reduce control, though the main message is usually understandable.
Focus on subject-verb agreement and write shorter sentences with one main idea each.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. What is your opinion on that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.