The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Sample Response
In today's world, fast food is one of the major problems in many countriesmain problems of all countries. Fast food causes many health problems including obesityincluding the overweight issue. The proportion of young people eating fast foodThe proportion of eating fast food among young people is growing year by year and this is why the overweight issue is getting worse over time.
It is believed that increasing the number of fast food outlets such as McDonald’sMcDonalds is creating health problemscreating the health problem. As these cafes and fast food outlets are convenient and close to our homes or workplacesnear to our home or workplace, they have become part of our liveslife despite their harmful effectsin spite of their harmfulness. Children who eat food from those fast-food outletseat from those fast food shops do not know what is good and what is bad for their health. Nowadays even parents consume this foodare consuming these foods even after knowing they are not beneficial for our health. This problem does not only cause obesity but can also causenot only create the overweight, besides this, it can cause heart attacksattack and other health problems.
'Busy parents cannot take carecannot to take care of their children and can’t maintain a balanced diet for them' is.' - is a common statement by the working class parents. Due to their lack of time and knowledge, children eat more and more fast food without any parental control and gain weightbecome fattier. Moreover, parents are grown-up enough to know what is healthy and what is unhealthy for their kids. That is why parents should help their children to make the right food choicesa right decision of eating food. Some people think that parents can always go to restaurants where hygienic dishes are served.
As far as I am concerned, parents are more blameworthy than fast food outlets. Parents want to do their best and make their children’s lives more colourful and sound. And they should not work all day, and it would be better if parents could make more timecan arrange more time for their kids. Also, in my opinion, parentsAlso in my opinion parents should cook delicious foods at home, teach their kids about balancedbalance diet, ask them to avoid harmful foods and inspire them to do some exercise.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a clear comparative position and discusses both the availability of fast food and parental responsibility with relevant explanations and practical suggestions. Its main weakness is that several ideas are simplistic or weakly justified, while frequent awkward vocabulary and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to explain why parents carry greater responsibility through a carefully developed comparison, using more natural health-related language and accurately structured sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses both proposed causes and clearly judges parents more blameworthy, but the comparison is only moderately developed and some supporting claims are questionable or general.
Explain why parental control has a stronger effect than outlet availability, using one specific chain of cause and consequence rather than several broad recommendations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from fast-food availability to parental responsibility and a personal judgement, with effective paragraphing despite some repetition and abrupt sentence links.
Use the final paragraph to synthesise the comparison directly, and connect recommendations to the preceding parental-responsibility argument rather than listing them.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but recurring unnatural expressions such as "the proportion of eating fast food," "create the overweight," and "balance diet" limit precision.
Use established combinations such as "fast-food consumption," "cause obesity," and "a balanced diet," and avoid vague repetition of "health problem."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a mix of sentence forms and remains understandable, but recurring errors in infinitives, articles, agreement, and clause construction show inconsistent control.
Check verb patterns and articles systematically, for example "cannot take care," "make the right decision," and "teach them about a balanced diet."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.