Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In our society, many people believe that competition is a vital factor in developingcomponent in establishing a positive personality and behaviour. Parents, for instance,Parents for instance, always say that life is a constant battle and to succeedin order to become successful, training children to become competitive early in lifein the early stage of their lives will be helpful. However, some argue that competition is not that beneficial and might cause negative behaviour in childrennegative behaviours to children. In this essay, I will closely examine both views, and would state my own opinion regarding the matter. On the one handOn the first side of the argument, people argue that competition is advantageous. FromIn their point of view, structuring an environment in a competitive contextunder a context of competition can be challenging and create the needwill be challenging and will establish the need to strive and work harder to attain a particular goal that many people aim forgoal that many aims. Therefore, competition enhances motivation and gives a sense of fulfilment. For instance, nursery-school children enterchildren in nursery schools join different contests and compete with other children. They try to do their best and maximisemaximises their resources to win the competition to earn rewardsbecause of the reward that they may get from their parents or teachers. On the other hand, some people believe that the drawbacks outweigh the positive effects of competition and teaching children to cooperate is betterteaching the child to cooperate are better. They explain that cooperation givesallows children a chance to understand and adjust to the needs of other children, thereby training themhence, training them to become more sensitive individuals in the future. For example, in our home, I have never felt that my mum encouraged competition between me and my younger sister. She always says that each of us has unique talentseach has her own unique talents and skills that should be enhanced and be shared withto one another. Hence, every time that we need to do some task, we would rather help one another than competerather help one another than to compete. In summary, establishing a competitive and cooperative environment has its own merits. However, in my opinion, teaching children to cooperate is more beneficial in developing mature and useful adultshoning a mature and useful individual.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear treatment of both views, with relevant examples and an explicit preference for cooperation. Its main limitation is that frequent grammatical and collocational errors, together with the single-paragraph presentation, make an otherwise logical argument less polished. The highest priority is to divide the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and improve agreement and phrase choice within each developed point.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant explanation and examples, and the writer's preference for cooperation remains clear.
Deepen the evaluation by explaining more precisely why cooperation produces more useful adults than competition does.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically from competition to cooperation and then to a conclusion, but the lack of paragraphing and some heavy linking reduce cohesion.
Separate the introduction, two views, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clearer topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of vocabulary for motivation, fulfilment, cooperation, and personal development, though several word combinations are unnatural.
Use more precise collocations, especially when describing competitive environments, shared goals, and children's development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, article, preposition, and verb-form errors weaken control.
Check that subjects agree with their verbs and that parallel structures use consistent forms before submitting.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.