Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree? Write not less than 250 words.
Sample Response
As the role of technology has become crucialrole of technology has been very crucial in everyone's life, children have been accustomed to computersaccustomed to the computers. One may say using computers will give great knowledge to computers or the more negatives than positives. I believe using computers can have more negative than positive effectsmore negative effects than advantages because computers make childrenthe computer makes children lazy and violent. If the children become addicted to computers, they will become inactive in daily lifelazy in their life and they will no longer concentrate on other important things they have to do. Day by day, as the computer use consumes their valuable timecomputer steals their valuable time, they will not show interest in studyingshow an interest in studies and outdoor games. As a result, they will not only become lazy but also they will not be physically healthysound. For example, my father bought me a personal computer when I completed Grade 10finished my 10th grade because I had received an A+had got A+ in my 10th grade public exams. As I became more dependentAs I become more habituated to a computer, I became reluctantindolent to do my other activities such as studies, sports and other activitiesthe other extra routines. Consequently, my rank dropped to A- in Grade 12my 12th standard. If anyone tried to take away my computer from me, I used to behave violently. Children may behave abnormallyKids act unnaturally if they want to own these electronic machines. This creates abnormal behaviours in children. In future, they will not be social. On the other hand, their important role in their schools will get damaged if this continuescontinuous. Another major disadvantage of computer use is thatAnother major disadvantage using computers is, children may use adult sites (above 18 years old sites) instead of using a computer for beneficial reasons. For example, today almost in every website, there are ads which promote dating services, adult contentcontents, etc. These ads and then the time spent on those websites by a kid are enough to spoil a good child. My conclusion is that the parents should either supervise their children while using computers, internet and encourage them to use it for benefits or do not allow their children to use computers. Otherwise, their children will have to face a lot of problems.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear position and supports it with relevant consequences and a detailed personal example. However, development is uneven, several claims are asserted too broadly, and the lack of paragraphing makes the progression harder to follow, while recurring grammar and collocation errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to organise the argument into distinct paragraphs and develop each main reason with controlled, accurate explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported with relevant reasons and examples, though some claims are broad or insufficiently developed.
Develop each principal disadvantage through a precise cause-and-effect explanation instead of adding loosely supported assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible sequence and uses linking expressions, but the single extended paragraph and some faulty transitions weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, main reasons, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range and generally conveys the intended ideas, but awkward collocations and imprecise word choices recur.
Prefer natural combinations such as become dependent on computers and lose interest in other activities, and check each formal word for contextual accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of sentence forms is attempted and meaning is generally clear, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, tense, and clause construction reduce control.
Edit each sentence for subject-verb agreement and article use, then keep verb tense consistent within personal examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on young children. Do you agree or disagree? Write not less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.