In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Sample Response
PeopleMen have been exploring all possible waysexperimenting all the probable ways to lead a better life. In this contextIn such a way, teenagers are allowed to explore the world before starting their tertiary education either through work or traveleither through job or travelling. Both the advantages and disadvantages will be discussed before a reasonable conclusion is found.
A break period after secondary school has been proven to be beneficialbeneficiary for young peoplethe youngsters. Initially, by visiting places, individuals will be exposed to diverse cultures, traditions and a wide variety of people and these visits are helpful to attain social knowledge. It aids in their higher studies; for instance, in conducting thesis related to community. Next, prior workworking experience will be an advantagewill be added as a good point, as it prepares them for work. Moreover, many companies prefer experienced staff members.
However, there are a few drawbacksthere are few drawbacks in encouraging them to work or travelsending them for work or tour. The education processEducation process will be disrupted. As a result, the students may not show interest in higher educationinterest towards higher studies while a few of them continue to work in the same sector. As youngsters start to earn money through work, they may become inclined towards harmful habitsincline towards bad habits such as smoking, alcohol consumption, drug addiction and so on. Lastly, making a trip will for a long period may affect their financial status if they run out of money which may indulge in debts.
Overall, it is apparent that although there are a few benefitsthere are few benefits of encouraging youth to work or travel, the disadvantages outweigh the benefitsthe disadvantages are outweighed. Hence, I opine that young people should continue their studieshave continuation in their studies to prosper in life.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both advantages and disadvantages, maintains a clear overall view, and uses a conventional structure that makes the discussion easy to follow. However, several claims are asserted briefly or overgeneralised, and frequent unnatural wording and grammatical errors reduce precision. The most important improvement is to develop fewer points with clearer cause-and-effect explanation and specific, credible support.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed and a position is stated, but several ideas are only briefly explained or rely on broad assumptions.
Select the strongest advantage and disadvantage and extend each with a clear explanation and a realistic example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall progression are clear, although cohesive devices are sometimes mechanical and some supporting sentences connect loosely.
Build each body paragraph around one controlling idea and use logical links that show the precise relationship between sentences.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is adequate for the topic, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make expression unnatural.
Practise natural phrases for gap years, gaining experience, resuming studies, and financial difficulty instead of relying on approximate synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms is attempted, but errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, and clause construction occur frequently.
Prioritise accurate sentence frames and edit each complex sentence for a clear subject-verb relationship and correct verb form.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.